It Gets Hard Sometimes (Camren)

Chapter 14

Camila's pov

I don't know if you know this feeling of just feeling completely shattered inside.

It's like there's nothing inside you left to feel, but it still hurts so much. Everything just hurts so much.

All I want to do is forget.

I want to forget the way Lauren kissed me. I want to forget the way she looked at me. I want to forget the way she smiled at me. I want to forget the way she spoke her mind. I want to forget the way she she would wear her heart out on her sleeve one minute, and then have it locked up by a million different locks the next. I want to forget the way she kissed Maia right in front of me. I want to forget the way she smiled afterwards. I want to forget the way she looked into her eyes and then held her hand. I want to forget the way she hurt me. And most of all...

I want to forget the way she made me feel.

I just want to forget. So that's what I did.

After we all got back from our off day, I went out by myself and drank. I drank, and drank, and drank until I couldn't feel anymore. Until I was numb and then vomitting in a trash can somehwere in the middle of the street.

And somehow, I ended up phone Dinah.

"Mila? Where are you? Everyone's looking for you?" She asked, panic evident in her voice.

"Diiinnaaahhh!" I screamed into the phone. "Where are youu girl?" I asked, hiccupping every few seconds.

"Mila, I'm worried. Where are you? Please? Let me come fetch you!"

"I dunnwhere I'm at. I think isscalled Pump," I laughed into my phone, "a club Pump next to a gym called Relaxx," I laughed again.

"I think I know where that it is," she said, there was shuffling in the background," Mila stay there and stay on the phone with me! I'm getting to get you, okay?"

"Okay," I replied and held the phone to my ear as I wait for her to. Suddenly, my stomach turned and I felt something coming up my throat. I ran to the nearest trash can and just made it, as vomit poured out my throat for the second time that night. It stung every inch of my insides and I could already feel the tears in my eyes.

I crawled over to my phone, which I dropped when I ran to the trash can. I brought it to my ear and straight away heard Dinahs panicked voice.

"Mila, what happened? Are you okay?" My nose stung as I tried to keep the tears from falling, but it didn't work.

"No," I whispered, "I'm not." It was silent for a few seconds, then she spoke.

"Its okay Mila, it's going to be okay. I'm nearly there, just hold on," she whispered, "just hold on."

It felt like everything just fell onto me. All the angst I've been holding in, all the emotions I've been holding in, everything that I've held in for the passed few years just exploded inside of me and came out in a gushing waterfall.

"But I don't think I can," I sobbed, my hands shaking so hard that my phone fell onto the ground.

Just then, a car drove up. There was a door slam and suddenly, a panicking Dinah came into my blurry vision. She kneeled to the ground with me and put her hand firmly on each of my shoulders.

"Camila, it's okay. I'm here, I'm right here," she whispered, pulling me in for a hug. I cried into her, my whole body giving into her. She held me tight, rubbing my back, comforting me. After a while, she pulled me up so that I was standing brought me to her car. I jumped into the front seat, not wanting to sit in the back, and sat quietly while she drove.