Scenarios?

Rant - Self Confidence.

I have none to begin with.
I don't understand how the hell people manage to talk to eachother, flirt with eachother, or even fucking manage to cheat and lie to eachother without ever being self consious of every mother fucking word they say.

EVERY word i say, I mean ALL OF THEM, I always always always think about how the other might react, how they might take it, i end up overthinking. Most of the time, the reactions i think in my head are always fucking wrong and it catches me by suprise. They interpret what i say differently and inside i mentally comit suicide, I want to undo every mistake i ever make but that's impossible. I literally start to break down over the smallest arguments because i start going to much into it and i think and think and think and it gets worse, the words echo through my damaged skull and my already broken heart beats itself up and it gets tormented because it starts to remember every label that has ever been put on me and i just cry.

From gay, to a know-it-all, to an attention seeker, to a fuck boy, to a retard, i JUST CANT.

Im aware i make mistakes im aware i may not be your typical average person, with different beliefs and different appeals.

But labelling me over one god damned mistake hurts me. It traumatizes me because it forces me to rethink of everything ive done or said and realize my neglegence.

It makes me think of how everyone seems me and makes me feel like everyone thinks these things behind my back.

It's scary and it horrifies me and it just-...

This is a rant. A long rant. A personal rant. It just-

I'm such an easy target. I'm so defensless...

I get hurt so easily but I play it off like nothing, but the moment im alone I break, no, I SHATTER, im not fixable, im a walking broken piece of glass. Im a transparent, broken, fragile, little shit that has a mask as if he knows what hes doing. IM WANDERING THIS DAMN LIFE LIKE I KNOW WHAT IM DOING BUT I DON'T.

I'm lost... and i unintentionally say things that people interpret differently.

I dont mean these things and i always have an explanation for the things i do.

But when people dont consider the type of person you are and put a label that in no way relates to you, it makes you question what the hell have you ever done to deserve that label.

And it makes you spiral. Spiral into a pit if emptinesw and dispare.

One of these days, there won't be any "me" left in me. Soon enough ill just be an emotionless shell...

...that very thought scares me..

i have no fears, other than myself.

and that can say alot about me, my shitty weak self...