Shards of a Heart

Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - Now

Dear Jade,

I'm not supposed to be on my phone right now, but you're the only person that I feel like I can talk normally to. I almost lost our necklace, but some girl gave it back to me. At least people here at Hawthorne aren't all that bad. I haven't made any friends yet, but that's my fault because I haven't tried. Then again, why do I need friends when I have you? I know, I know, you're going to say that I shouldn't be so reclusive. I'm not being reclusive, I'm just not exactly being inclusive. I don't want to make friends with the wrong people. And I know that no one will be as great as you, but I can at least hope.

Class is almost over, so I should go.

~ C

I swear this teacher can read my mind. I am slouching in one of the uncomfortable blue chairs that are attached to the small desks of my astronomy class, thinking about everything except astronomy. As I yawn, I think of how untimely and unfortunate it'd be if I were to be called on. I have no clue as to what the teacher is speaking about at the moment, but a few kids around me raise their hands. I blink fast a few times to clear my daze, and sigh as I try to focus on the teacher. He is looking at something on the clipboard he's holding. This place is so old school. When in this century has there been blackboards and clipboards in a high school?

"Cecilia?" The teacher turns his stern expression in my direction, so I turn around to escape the awkwardness. The only person behind me is a boy with styled golden hair. Everything about his facial features scream "perfect"; the prominent jaw line, the thick eyebrows that aren't too bushy, the intimidating eyes. Those eyes, the color of a wave when just before it breaks, piercing... me. I feel color run to my cheeks and look down, hoping he'll answer whatever question the teacher asked so I can turn back around without feeling uncomfortable.

"He called on you darling'" his full lips whisper almost inaudibly. I look back up slowly, my mouth opening slightly. I turn around into the expectant and condescending gaze of the mind reader and put on my best smile.

"I'm sorry Mr., but that is not my name so I didn't know you called on me." I rattle out, praying that he really did say 'Ce-ci-li-a', not 'Ce-li-a'.

He sees right through my stalling and responds, "Answer my question please."

I freeze, pretending to be thinking of the answer. I rack my brain for any information as to what we were talking about but I come out empty handed. I mentally scold myself for zoning out, because now I'll have a reputation so he'll call on me more. Then I'll never be able to zone out again, which ruins my day and then it'll just suck and then- Stop. I tell myself. I take a deep breath, feeling all eyes on me. Just as I'm about to have another mini panic attack, the same voice that had called me 'darling' before speaks.

"Mr. Yahn, I know this is probably a bad time, but I really need to go to the bathroom." His voice projects across the silent room, and a few kids snicker. Mr. Yahn sighs and nods his head. The owner of the voice gets out of his desk, but at the same time leans forward and breathes one word into my ear. I smirk slightly as Mr. Yahn's attention turns back to me.

"The sun" I state. Mr. Yahn hesitates and I almost die of embarrassment thinking that I was given the wrong answer, but he nods and continues speaking, pointing to the board where he had drawn the solar system. He must be giving us a quick recap of everything we learned since kindergarden about astronomy, because it all seems basic.

I watch the door for my savior to come back impatiently. I need to thank him. The hall pass appears first, swinging around his finger. He sets it down on the table and turns towards me. When he notices that I'm looking at him, his full lips open up, showing straight teeth. His smile seems practiced, but still its perfect. I smile back, mouthing a 'thanks' as he walks past my desk. I listen as he slides in silently to the desk behind me.

I must have not learned my lesson because I don't remember anything more about that class other than the precise sound of each movement he made.

I also must have not learned that the bell is obnoxious and will start without warning. I jump when I hear it, then a snicker comes from behind me. I turn scarlett.

I thought I was going to talk to this guy as soon as class was over, learn his name, get to know him, etcetera. But, now that this time has come, I feel like I have ants crawling all over me. Scared for a minute, I rush out of the classroom.

Before, I was never scared of people. I was always outgoing. Even when I didn't feel comfortable, I kept my act up. I needed to stay confident.

Now, it seems like everyone is trying to attack me. I leave that classroom as fast as possible hoping that he doesn't catch me.

Turns out, I'm not as fast as I thought.

"So... not Cecilia, why are you at Hawthorne?" Though I have only heard it speak less than 100 words, I recognize the entrancing voice. I don't answer right away, trying to unscramble my brain. "You're not going to talk to me? Scared?" He speaks again. It seems like he's making fun of me. I clench my fists. After a second, I glance to my side. On his face is a playful smile. I loosen my hands, more relaxed.

"I'm not scared, I was just thinking about how to respond to that question. Impatient?" I copy his style and he laughs. I bite my lip to hold in the grin that was threatening to take over. I can't tell if he's flirting or just being nice yet, so I have to keep my cool. "I moved from Washington, you'll have to ask my dad as to why here, because I honestly have no idea." He chuckles again at this. I'm beginning to get the sense that he laughs at everything I say, which could be either condescending or flattering.

"Are you already inviting me to meet your parents? You don't even know my name, what if I'm a creepy stalker." My already pink cheeks turn crimson. I just want to disappear. Either that or go back in time so that this whole conversation never started by paying attention in class.

"I- I-. No, I-." he laughs again and I purse my lips. Now he was getting on my nerves.

"I'm just playing with you darling," Again with a nickname. Mixed signals spiral through my brain. "I'm Francis by the way. And if you don't want to tell me your name, then you'll have to forgive me because I'll be calling you 'Not Cecilia'"

"It's just Celia. Excuse me," I cut in front of him into my next classroom.

I must've replayed our conversation 20 times throughout the rest of the day. One thing Ms. Penny had told me to do was to replay previous things that had happened and point out where I could have been more open, so that I could work on it in my next conversation. She said that I needed to try my hardest to make friends, and talk a lot about myself. I have a minor case of pistanthrophobia, except that I wasn't exactly scared of trusting others, I was scared that they couldn't trust me. It caused - causes - me to push people away because I'm too scared that I'll let them down.

Instinctively, I must have pushed Francis away because I was worried that I'd hurt him in some way. I need to stop doing that, or life in California will be disconsolate.

At home, I walk straight to my room. I close the door and walk over to my desk. Sitting on it is my Mom's old record player. I open the top drawer of the desk and pull out a random record, setting it on the table. As the songs start playing, I turn up the volume and lay down in my bed.

I never close my eyes. If I did, I'd see things that I don't want to see. Horrible things. Memories. I stare up at the map I had pinned to my low ceiling. My phone buzzes in my pocket.

Every time I always hope it's Jade. It's not. I frown, but answer anyway.

"Cee," a rough voice, sounding as though he'd just woken up from a deep sleep, fills my phone. A voice I knew very well. One that I hadn't heard for seven months. Suddenly I'm shaking, violently.

"Camdon?" All the memories fly back, my music unable to drown them. I sit up and take a big breath. "Is... is this really... you?" I manage to squeak before dropping my phone on my bed. I press the speaker button quickly and swallow, waiting for an answer. I hear a sob on the other end.

"It's me."