Shards of a Heart

Chapter 6

Chapter 6 - Then

I suck in a gulp of air while mentally preparing myself to tell Camdon the story. He glances over expectantly.

"Okay. Here goes," I say quietly to myself, not intending for him to hear. He chuckles, so I glare at him, burning my eyes into his skin, even though I know he can't see me all too well in the faded lights of the city. I wait a second until he drives onto the highway, the speed giving me a little more confidence.

"When I was seven, my mom got laid off her current job," I start hesitantly. Camdon keeps his eyes on the road and I continue as if I were by myself. "She tried to get a job here, but couldn't find one. Her skills were limited and she refused to take a job she didn't enjoy. She had been exercising the idea of taking a trip to New York to find a job there, then moving with my dad and I. At the time, my dad was putting in extra hours to pay for our house, and I was working at a local barn with their few animals. It wasn't much, but at least I wasn't home alone all the time. Plus it's hard to find a job at the age of seven.

"One night, my mom came into my room. She told me she had just got a really cheap plane ticket to New York City, so she was going to make a quick trip. I started crying because I had had a rough week at school and Dad wasn't home yet. Mom told me not to worry, that she'd be back before I knew it. Then we'd move and I could start all over, and that those bullies would never bother me again.

"My mom always took promises seriously. She never made one she couldn't keep. So, to assure myself that she'd come back, I asked her to promise it. Without hesitation she did. I believed her, I mean she was my mother, the one I had trusted my whole life.

"A week later, my Dad came home early. He told me that the house was being foreclosed and that we'd have to move. I got excited and instantly thought about New York and how Mom had surely gotten a job by now. He sat me down and explained that he hadn't heard anything from her since she left. I told him that she had promised, that we just had to wait. I watched as my life fell apart. We lived on the streets for a while until we found the house I live in now. We couldn't afford it by a long shot, but during the period of trouble I had become close with the owner of the barn I worked at. She was like my Grandma and offered my Dad money for us to settle. I still don't know how much that check was to this day, but with Dad's job it's all we need for a long time. The thing is, the whole time this happened, I waited for my mom to call. To tell us we could come to New York.

"I've waited ten years Cam, and I've heard nothing." I finish. Cam looks over at me quick, his face bent with his bottom lip stuck out a little, sincerely. "And my mom wasn't someone who would just leave. There was nothing she loved more in this world than Dad and I. The only conclusion I can come up with is that she... died, but I think we would've at least gotten a letter about it."

Camdon is silent as he exits the highway into his small town. Mine is about five miles away, at the other end of his. I expect him to say something but he doesn't, just keeps driving. By the time we pass the broken and faded 'Welcome to the Town of Winding Farms' sign, I accept the quiet. If he doesn't have anything to say, I understand.

What surprises me next is when he pulls to the side of the now dirt roads and parks the car. I give him an 'are you freaking insane' look, but he ignores it, getting out of his truck. After walking in front through the still illuminated headlights, he opens my door.

"Um Cam-" I start to say, thinking he lost his mind or is hallucinating that the side of a road in the middle of nowhere is my home, but am engulfed in strong arms. Unlike just an hour before when he put his sweaty arms around me from behind to scare me, this hug is heartfelt, and he buries his head in my hair. I blink twice before I put my arms arm him and turn so that the hug is more natural. I think he starts to pull away, but instead pulls me out so that I'm standing on the soft grass with him.

"I'm so sorry Cee" he whispers as he rocks me back and forth. I push my head into his chest because he's too tall to do anything else. He squeezes a quick hard pulse before actually pulling away. "Do you want to go home now?" He asks, a sheepish smile playing on his face. I smile back, nodding.

"Do you want to find her?" Camdon asks after he starts driving again. I contemplate the question for a little before answering.

"Yes, I guess I've just given up by now. Did you miss the part about it being ten years?" I let out a quick fake laugh. It's like a coping mechanism for me, to try to lighten heavy conversations up. When I go to funerals, I never think of the death. I hate the sappy apologizes that the family gets. I think they should be thinking of all the happy times they had together, sharing stories and laughing, while keeping the main purpose in mind. That's one of my wishes for when I die. I want a big party thrown where people can share stories about me while having a good time.

"I'll help," I look over to Camdon as he pulls into my rocky drive and we bounce in the seats. He laughs when I snatch my phone as it flies from where I had placed it in the cupholder.

"You will? I don't think there really is anything to find. Trust me I've tried." I shake my head, recounting all the hours I spent trying to contact her. When I turned fourteen was when I had finally given up.

"Of course. It's like those mystery activities we loved doing back in middle school." He grins and we recall the cheesy things we solved in science using clues set around the classroom. Jade, Cam and I always tried to beat each other to it because the first person to solve it got candy, but we ended teaming up anyway, never actually winning.

"We sucked at those," I state.

He rolls his eyes. "No, Braden Fisher was just too smart."

"Look where that got him," Braden had recently broke into a store and almost got away with stealing some stupid video game. If his younger sister hadn't taken one to school to give to her friend he wouldn't've had to suffer the consequences. Luckily, the teacher saw the transaction and was curious since first graders weren't allowed to have toys at school for fear they'd be stolen. Ironic as it is, the teacher found the store seal on it and connected the dots.

"Are you just going to be a pessimistic brat or could you at least have some confidence in our abilities?"

"Sorry, it's just that I'm done trying okay? I've accepted that she's gone and I'm moving on." Cam parks in front of my garage. I thank him quick and get out.

"I'm not ready to accept that Cee." He says as I shut the door. He pulls out before I can ask anything else so I shrug and enter my house.

It smells like take out and candles, and I breath in the familiar scent. I hang my jacket up in the entry slowly, no need to rush. After slipping off my shoes I open the door to the stairwell and climb to the first floor. My dad is sitting on the couch watching some football game. I sit down and join him, grabbing a handful of the fries he's eating.

"There's some food in the fridge for you," He gestures without taking his eyes off the T.V. I get up, laughing as he moves forward on the edge of his seat, then throws his fist in the air. My dad gets very animated when watching any sports.

I join him again a minute later with a plate of KFC and a handful of homework. While he watches the game, I start to work on the floor in front of him.

Time flies as I finish up with all I can, and the next thing I know, Dad is tapping me awake. I watch hazily as he gets up to turn off the T.V. and rub my eyes then follow him upstairs. After saying goodnight I change and crawl into my warm bed, thinking about my mom for the first time in a long time.