they pace back and forth across their bedroom.
no. no. no. no. this can't be real.
they repeat the phrase in their head restlessly, running their hand through their damp shaved brunet hair. and quite honestly, on the edge of tears.
they had lost their art book.
their house wasn't even a five minute run from school, and somewhere in that five minutes they'd manage to loose the thing they needed most. without that book they were just tyler. and their art was free and exposed. heck, if someone found that book, tyler wouldn't even be a 'someone' anymore.
they sit on their bed trying to relax, outing any way to try and persuade themselves it'll be ok.
none of them worked, though, exactly. at all.
tyler bites their lip forcefully. they needed a distraction. already were they thinking at a level that even scared them.
what am i doing?
what now?
their breathing starts to shake.
maybe i left it in school,
they think
but i'm not going to be in school until monday. and it's friday afternoon.
the finder of the book- who was very likely to expose something like this- now had at least three days to do absolutely anything with this book; they could ruin it, mock it, show joshua himself, and wow, maybe the police. and that was terrifying. was what tyler doing actually legal?
a tear rolls down their face.
they needed a distraction.
something to do.
by stopping everything or stopping creating, or not doing any of these things at all they quickly find out just how unhappy they are.
art seemed to hold everything together. it seemed to make things not so chaotic sometimes. it seems to make things make more sense sometimes. but now they didn't have that.
at the time they were not able to replace anything that was lost, when they first got home their first reaction was to grab his art book and draw, but for a while they weren't able to do that and finding out that once they removed that piece of them they realised that sometimes art can act as a distraction and can get in the way of where your mind wants to go.
the thoughts that weekend were anything but at ease. with no friends or some-what friendly family, the thoughts were the only things they could focus on.
you can close your eyes if you want, sometimes things are less scary.
they needed at least more than one thing in their life that they enjoyed doing. maybe a friend would be helpful. they had no friends.
