she rolls out of bed, groaning at the realisation school was back.
right now it was safe to say the weekend was actually awful, mind-numbingly chaotic for the small person, filled with fear and complete boredom.
half of the time was spent focusing on the thoughts:
what are you doing.
your drawings aren't even that good anyway.
josh doesn't care about you one bit, anyway. so just give up.
you know, casual thoughts for someone like them to have.
she rubs her sleepy eyes with the bottom of her palm, before squinting them to look over at the alarm clock.
05:46
oh.
why am i awake so early?
why did this keep happing? why did she keep waking up this early? it wasn't like her body clock was completely ruined, it had only been three nights without that sketchbook, it doesn't mean anything, right?
then why did she keep waking up so early, what was it? she was definitely still tired. it was like every few hours someone had come and awoke her, but the second she opens her eyes that person had scuttled away out of sight.
was there a person doing that?
letting out an "oh well" sigh, tyler gets out of her bed before rushing her fingers through her due-to-have-cut hair.
she sits there for a moment, just thinking about what to do next.
well, horrendously -or not- their mom was home from her week business trip, meaning there was also a case of high quality overpriced makeup somewhere in tylers oversized house.
they always thought they had a heart that was too big for their body and a head that seemed even astronomical: not the ideal. but seriously, though, why's the human brain- especially hers- so full of so much but at the same time absolutely nothing, too? like space, is how they explained it. a head like this has no limits or explanation, neither did thoughts come from somewhere; thoughts like this had always been there. discovering them was always the shocking part. you could spend hours just totally focusing on the fact you don't know what you're thinking about or why you are but you just are and that's how it is and it's completely mind blowing.
time was ticking.
5:54
surprisingly or not, despite tyler's passion and rather under appreciated artwork this actually helped her with makeup a lot, knowing all the different things to highlight... and whatever.
her parents didn't really care about their kid wearing makeup or feminine clothes. they generally didn't seem to care about their kid at all, though.
so tyler casually walking in and going "hello! where's all the expensive makeup you own?" they'd simply answer with the correct reply: and that's it.
acceptance? yes. they treated them like they would if they had a cis straight son, right?
but it was six in the morning. and her mother wasn't due to wake up until past 10am, and tyler being an only child meant she needed to take herself to school (as usual).
sneaking out of bed, trying to avoid any creaky floorboards that could apparently awake her mother, she walks out of her bedroom greeted by a long dark corridor, the only faint lighting being the sunrise at the end of the tunnel showing through a small circular window.
but she ignored the view.
she saw it every day and night, yes, but that fact was quite desolating, maybe one day she'd notice it's beauty. she didn't. not at all. it was just a sunrise, there everyday, "if she wanted to look at it she would, she doesn't need to bother every time" and "there's better pictures on the internet anyway."
she creaks open a bedroom door, there's a small box with a silver clipped lock, light reflecting off a part of it as if there was a star glistening into her eyes. she smiles slightly.
