Savior// E.D.

F O U R

After Ethan left, I stayed in my bed unable to move. I lied awake, thinking about the terrible days of school to come. Now, everyone has seen me in my worst times. They have all seen me, whether it was in person, or on video, run out of school with a weapon of self harm in my hands.

My dad got home later that night, and luckily he fell asleep before he had the chance to put me down like the others.

Before I knew it, I was already awakening from my terrible sleep the night before. I looked at the time, and I decided it was probably best to skip school today, especially after my tragic experience yesterday. I could use a break.

The day went on, and so did the loneliness. Suicide, the crime of loneliness, lurked at the top of my head. When I thought about it, it felt more like a person. Maybe it's because suicide is a devil in my mind, constantly taunting me, and my emotions.

Ethan used to be my friend, I think that is what made this all too real for me. He was always there for me as a child. When my dog died when I was 8, he threw her a memorial service in my backyard, and invited our families to come share our memories.

When I was 9, Ethan's mom invited me over to swim, and I almost drown in the deep end of the water. Ethan dove in and saved me, because his mom had run inside. I was scared, so he held me in his arms until I stoped crying. Maybe, just maybe, he should've let me go. Maybe it would have made him a better person today if he did. Maybe my mom wouldn't be dead. Maybe that one moment affected all of this. Just maybe.

What happened to that sweet innocent Ethan? What happened to the kid who held me in his arms and wiped my tears away as he sang to me. I don't know about you, but I miss that kid. I miss the Ethan I know and love.

And I miss the me I used to be.