What if... (Harry Potter One Shots)

Azkaban - The Madness that is Sirius Black

I'm not going to say Good Morning because if it were a good morning, I would be asleep and I wouldn't I have to deal with insane murderers, crazy people, and creepy-as-fork Dementors.

I suppose that I have to introduce myself. I am Azkaban. Yes, shock horror. The prison where you sent the crazy people is me! Must be magic!

Now, you don't know what it's like to have to listen to crazy people every day and I'm bored out of my mind, so I'm going to tell you. Listening to people rant about how they're going to escape and kill everyone always makes my day. Not.

After a thousand years of listening to the whims of murderers, they all just sound pathetic. Well most of them anyway. Some of them are hilarious. One of them is Sirius Black.

So, since I'm terribly bored and I have nothing to do, I'm going to tell you about the Madness that is Sirius Black.

The day that they brought Sirius Black into Azkaban was definitely the funniest I've had in a long time.

Day 1, Hour 1;

"You're all idiots! Idiots! No one is stupider than you! IDIOTS! Hey, you! Yeah, you're an idiot!" Sirius Black grabbed the bars of his cell and screamed at the other prisoners. "IDIOT! You're an idiot! You're all idiots!"

In response, another prisoner yelled, "No, you're an idiot!"

Sirius screamed at them. "No, you're an idiot!"

In the space of five minutes, Sirius Black had gotten all the prisoners screaming at each other. Some weren't even saying anything, just screaming at each other for the fun of it. You can imagine the noise that an entire prison of crazy people can make. Yeah, even the Dementors were cringing at the noise.

Day 1, Hour 2;

The screaming had subsided into hoarse whispers, all except one; Sirius Black had not stopped screaming, he had only changed what he screamed.

"James! I'm sorry! Oh, Merlin, I'm sorry!" he was curled in a ball in the centre of his cell. "Please forgive me, I'm so sorry!"

While everyone else's voice died out, his only got stronger. "I'm so sorry, James! I should have been there to save you! I should have saved you! Please forgive me for being a terrible friend! Please! I let you down but please, please forgive me! Oh, Merlin! I let you down so much! I'm so sorry!"

Day 1, Hour 3

"I'm sorry, Lily," Sirius whispered, his back pressed against the wall of his cell, sobs racking his body. "I should have saved you! I should have been there for you and James! I'm so sorry!"

His cries of anguish ripped through the air and tears tacked across his cheeks. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me, Lily. Please forgive me for not being there for you. Please forgive me for not being there for James. Please forgive me for not being there for Harry. Oh, Merlin."

With one final shudder, he curled up in on himself and whispered softly, "I'm sorry for not being able to be the godfather you wanted me to be, Lily."

Day 1, Hour 4

"AAH!"

And punch. And punch.

Sirius threw another punch at the wall of his cell. And another. And another.

"AAH!"

His face was riddled with fury as he punched the wall again. And again. And again.

Really?! Well, his hand's going to hurt.

Day 1, Hour 5

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know you blame me, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Sirius muttered. "I'm sorry, Remus. I'm sorry."