whitaker

05 | Whirlpool

   "Whitaker Walker! I know you hear me!"

She was right. I did hear her calling my name over the crowd of other students who had to get places I would never dream of going. I just decided to ignore her. Besides, I really didn't know her and the way she kept staring at me last class creeped me out. Then suddenly, she was beside me. Her curls bouncing up and down with her quick steps as she tried to keep up with me.

"Whitaker. I want to help you." She furrowed her eyebrows as if she was thinking about this statement.Help me? I couldn't help but think she was crazy.

"I can't help but ask, what are you talking about?" I looked at her with the most authentic blank expression I could.

"Look, I know you may not want me to help you, but it's important we conquer this." We? Cassandra was starting to sound like a therapist more than a fellow peer.

"There is no 'we'. And I don't need your help with anything, Cassandra." I said as I pushed through the doors among the crowd of bustling students. She looked at me doubtfully.

"I think we can both agree that you need help. You're all over the Internet because you are afraid."

So that's where this was going. She was going to pretend to be like a friend to me before making sure that the entire school would never let me live this down. She was going to be just like everyone else and make even more afraid than I already am. I stopped dead in the center of the courtyard where the remaining students shoved passed me with looks of annoyance. That is, if they weren't still laughing at me. "Okay, look, Cassandra-"

"Cass."

"Okay, Cass, that's not my fault that this school is full of idiots who can't understand wh-" I stopped seeing the intense curiosity in her eyes. Then, I took a shaky breath fidgeted with the end of my sweater vest. "I see what you are trying to do, here. And I don't need your help with anything because I'm fine." It was probably the most direct I'd ever been with anyone in my life. She didn't move and kept looking up at me with determination replacing any sadness I'd seen from earlier. "Fine." I said first, since she wasn't going anywhere. "Have a nice summer."

   Before she could stop me again, I left. But my legs were shaking and my knuckles were white. I felt sick. Again. More knots twisted tightly in the pit of my stomach and I knew I was going to be sick. I could see my uncle's blue truck, but my legs wouldn't move. Why was this happening? I looked around and saw that very few students were left in the front lawn and those who were were paying me no attention. Even Cass had disappeared to somewhere.

My legs felt heavier than I remembered and they seemed to be stuck to the ground. I still didn't know why. Suddenly, the feeling was gone and I could move again without feeling like I had to throw up everywhere. It was the strangest thing. One second, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that hot acid was flowing through me and the next, I couldn't feel anything at all. The ocean was barely visible as it was further off in the horizon and I didn't understand why I felt sick at random times. Granted, is just been humiliated by my freshman class, but I was free now. Deep down somewhere inside me told me I was far from free.