One Direction Preferences

108. You Lose The Baby

Louis: Louis had been so excited to be a daddy. He’d told you that he’s been dreaming about it since he was young. You were really upset that you’d have to deliver the news that would crush his dream. You walked in the front door; you’d just gotten back from the doctor were you’d received the news that at 2.5 months into your pregnancy, you’d lost the baby. The doctor reassured you that you had done nothing wrong; it wasn’t abnormal to miscarry during the first trimester. “I’m home, Lou!” you called from the kitchen. “I’m in here, babe!” you hear him yell from upstairs. You climb up the stairs and find him in the nursery, or what would have been at least. Louis was dressed in sweats and was painting the room a light yellow color. He seemed so happy. “Hey, love. How was the doctor?” he asks you, going about his work. You took a deep breathe to settle yourself; unsuccessful. “Not so good,” you say quietly. Louis stops and looks at you, clearly confused. “Well what happened?” he asks you, eyes narrowed. “There were some complications, Lou,” you choke out; at this point you were gasping for breathe. Lou shakes his head frantically, wiping tears from his eyes, “No, no, no,” he chants. “Lou, we lost the baby,” you cry, leaning back against the wall. Louis kicks one of the paint cans across the room. “NO!” he cries. Yellow paint splatters across the hardwood floor. You stop and look at him for a few seconds, eyes wide and tears flowing down. You shrink down onto the floor into a puddle of yellow paint and begin frantically sobbing. ‘I’m sorry, Lou! I’m sorry! This is all my fault!” you sob. Louis sits down next to you and gather you into his arms. “Baby, it’s not your fault,” he tells you, rubbing reassuring circles in you back, “I’m sorry I lost my temper.” “It’s fine,” you mutter. “Hey, look at me,” Louis says. You shake your head; you couldn’t bare to look in his eyes. He grabs your chin, forcing you to look at him. “This isn’t your fault,” he says, “We can try again as soon as you’re ready…or we don’t even have to try again if you don’t want to…we’ll do whatever you want to, okay?” “I want to try again as soon as we can,” you say to him. He nods knowingly. “Let’s get you in the bath, and we’ll get this paint off,” he says, plucking you off the floor. “We’ll  have a nice long nap after that,” he promises. “Thank you, Louis,” you say, mustering up the saddest smile Louis had ever seen. “I’ll look after you,” Louis mutters, “I always will.”

Zayn: The moment had finally come; you and Zayn were about to be parents. Time had literally flown by. It seems like just yesterday, you found out you were pregnant, picked out baby names, and baby proofed the house. “You’re gonna do great, babe,” Zayn says encouragingly. He squeezes your hand tightly and smiles down at you. “Okay, (y/n),” the doctor says, “It’s almost time to push.” You nod and squeeze Zayn’s hand as hard as you could; you were extremely nervous. “Okay, take a deep breath, and on three, you’re gonna push as hard as you can,” the doctor instructs you. You nod and take a few deep breaths. “Okay, one, two, three. Push! Hard,” the doctor coaches. You squeeze Zayn’s hand and bear down, trying to push as hard as you can. Your vision goes a little blurry, but you push anyways. “Doctor, her heart rate is declining,” the nurse informs the doctor. “Okay, let’s push one more time,” the doctor says nervously. You push long and hard. “Doctor…doctor, her rate is dangerously low,” the nurse yells. Your vision is almost completely gone, but you can still hear the slow beep of the heart monitor off in the distance. All of your senses start to fade, and you stop struggling; you let the dark take over. “Baby! Can you hear me?” Zayn says urgently; you automaticly recognize his voice over all the others. “I’m sorry!” he cries. Don’t be sorry, you think. You finally open your eyes; you can see everything clearly. You see an empty white room; there were no more doctors, just Zayn sitting beside you clutching your hand tightly. “What happened, Zayn?” you mumble, trying to sit up. Zayn pushes you back down. “Baby, you flat lined,” he explains timidly. “Well where’s the baby?” you question. “She’s not here…” Zayn trails off. “Well when can I see her?” you question again. Zayn just shakes his head and wipes tears from his eyes. “You can’t…she’s gone. She was stillborn” Zayn cries. “No, no she’s not,” you say shaking your head, “You’re lying!” you accuse, snatching your hand away from him. Zayn cries harder, “No, I’m not…I wish I was. She really is gone.” You begin to sob and try desperately to cover your face with your hands; you didn’t want Zayn to see you like this. Zayn takes your hand again, even though you try to resist. He holds your hand firmly. “Look at me, (y/n),” he says sternly, “Don’t cry, and don’t you dare blame yourself either. This isn’t your fault.” You shake your head in disagreement. “It’s not,” he reassures you, “And I want you to know, I saw her when she came out. She was just as perfect as I imagined. She looked like she was sleeping…she was perfect.” You try to blink away your tears, but they fall regardless of your efforts. Zayn gingerly wipes the tears from your face. “She looked just like you,” he smiles sadly.

Niall: You were at a promotional event with Niall; some party to promote the next tour. You were sitting outside with Zayn having a cigarette. You’d had a few drinks earlier, and your vision was a little fuzzy. You felt a dull pain in your abdomen, but you shrugged it off. It was probably just the alcohol settling in your stomach. You take another drag off your cigarette and listen while Zayn goes on about his plans to surprise Perrie with a vacation to New Mexico. You choke on a puff of smoke as your abdomen twists into a huge knot. Zayn stops talking and looks at you for a moment, “(y/n), are you okay?” he asks, rushing over to you. You shake your head frantically, and cough as hard as your can. You hear a popping noise and a rush of liquid falls to the ground between your legs. You automatically know what’s going on. “Zayn! Go get Niall!” you command. Zayn nods and runs inside. Niall emerges from the club moments later and rushes over to you. “(y/n), what’s wrong?” he questions while trying to help you off the ground. “Niall, my water just broke,” you explain calmly. His eyes go wide. “Niall, please don’t freak out, just get me to this hospital!” you say, a hint of aggravation in your voice. He nods and helps you to the car. You’d pulled up at the hospital and gotten into a private room a few hours ago. Niall was absolutely terrified; he was worried that the baby wouldn’t be okay. You had no idea you were pregnant, you’d had no prenatal care, and you’d been partying all throughtout your unkown pregnancy. You were worried as well, but you were trying to keep a level head for Niall; you didn’t want him to have to worry about you on top of the baby. The time had come to push; Niall grabbed your hand and whispered reassuring words in your ear. After thirty minutes of pushing, the baby was finally delivered. “It’s a girl!” you hear one of the nurses exclaim. They begin to rub her back to get her breathing, but she’s absolutely silent. They rush out of the room with your baby without a word your way. You look at Niall whose eyebrows are furrowed in worry. A nurse explains to you that the baby wasn’t breathing, and they had to take her into emergency surgery. After what seems like hours, the doctor comes into your room where you and Niall are huddled together. “We’re sorry. We did everything we could…” he starts, “she had under developed lungs, and we couldn’t get a breathing tube in time. Were you smoking during your pregnancy?” the doctor questions. You nod; the motion sends tears falling down your face. “I didn’t know I was pregnant,” you say quietly. The doctor nods and leaves the room. It’s just you, Niall, and the quiet beeping of your heart monitor. “I’m sorry, Niall,” you sob. He shakes his head and pulls you close. “It’s not your fault…you didn’t know,” he says quietly. -Weeks later- You dried the last dish and set it up in the cabinet. You peer through the kitchen window and spot Niall sitting in the back yard in front of a little grave. It was covered in pink roses and read “Our Princess”. You knew Niall was sitting out there talking to your daughter. You step outside and head over to Niall. “Come on, Ni. Let’s go inside,” you say placing a hand on his shoulder. “Ya know, I only saw her for a few minutes, but she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen,” he says quietly, wiping tears from his eyes.

Liam: You were 6.5 months pregnant and had been put on bed rest a few weeks ago because you had what they called a “high risk” pregnancy. Liam had decided to take the day off of work and spend the day in bed with you. He’d made all your meals and served them to you on a tray in bed. When you weren’t eating, you were either sleeping or watching the tv. Liam was being so sweet to you; he let you pick all the movies and didn’t try to change them when you dozed off. You feel asleep that night with Liam’s arms around you and a smile on your face. You woke up at about three in the morning; you needed to relieve yourself. You carefully peeled Liam’s arms off you and set off towards the loo. You pulled your shorts down and sighed as you felt all the liquid exit your body. You looked down and saw something very confusing; blood. You felt your heart drop into your belly. “Liam!” you yelled. You waited a few moments before calling for him again, this time as loud as you could. Liam came rushing into the bathroom, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “What is it?” Liam yawns. “Liam, I’m bleeding,” you say, your voice breaking at the end of your sentence. Liam’s eyes went wide, and he was instantly awake. “Shit,” he mutters. He helps you up and clothes your lower half. He grabs your bag and carries you to the car. You pull up at the hospital and after explaining what happened, you’re rushed into an examination room. They hook you up to half a dozen machines and administer an IV. Liam held you hand the entire time. After the needle was in and taped into place, they explained they would need to preform an ultrasound to check on the baby. They turned the machine on and begin spreading gel across your belly. You visibly cringed at how cold the gel is; Liam squeezes your hand in reassurence. After a few minutes, they finally have a picture of the baby pulled up on the screen. The nurse frowns and pushes a few buttons. “What’s wrong?” you ask, your eyebrows furrowing in worry. “I can’t find a heart beat…” she trails off, “We’re going to have to run a few tests, but I’m sorry to inform you that you’ve lost the baby.” You blink and feel a few tears falling down your cheeks. Without missing a beat, Liam waipes them off your face and kissing your forehead. “I’ll give you two a minute,” the nurse says quietly. The minute you hear the heavy door click shut, you lose it. “Liam, I’m sorry!” you cry. “No, it’s not your fault,” Liam says, “It’s not your fault.” Liam climbs into the hospital bed with you, and you curl up against him. “Liam, I feel so awful,” you say. “I know, I know,” he mutters, “Just sleep.” He runs his fingers over your belly, and you finally fall asleep.

Harry: You were five months pregnant with Harry’s baby. Only five months. You’d just been informed that you’d lost the baby. You were crying your eyes out and Harry was holding you. “I never got to meet him,” you cry. “I know,” Harry whispers. “I never got to give him a bath, or change him, or take him to the park, or even give him a kiss,” you choke out. “I know, baby. I know,” Harry says, rubbing circles into your back. You hear him sniffle; you know he’s trying not to cry. “It’s not fair!” you exclaim throwing your hands up into the air. Harry nods and wipes a few stray tears from his eyes. “I’m sorry, Harry,” you sob. “Why are you sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for,” he reassures you. “I lost him! It’s my fault,” you explain. “No, it’s not your fault. None of this is your fault. He’s up there for a reason…we just don’t know what it is yet,” he says, squeezing your hand, “Don’t you dare blame this on yourself.” You shake your head and try to cover your face with your hands. “Hey, we’ll get through this,” Harry promises, “I’ll take care of you.”