Set after the finale of Season 3. The City of Light has fallen. Octavia Blake is lost in her grief for Lincolns death. She walks away from, Skaikru, her brother and finds herself on a journey to once again discover her sense of self.
Leaving Polis I felt a sense of freedom, but also apprehension as to where I would go. Arkadia and the drop ship were no longer options. Not only did I want to distance myself from my former life, but Arkadia was the place Lincoln was murdered, I could never see it in the same way ever again. I rode for hours on the horse I had taken from Polis. I had supplies to last me a week, it was a good job I was a good hunter, a survivor. Before I knew it I recognised my surroundings, I was heading into the direction of Lincolns cave. I think subconsciously I'd always been heading towards it. Even though I knew Bellamy would look for me here I just needed to rest there one last time, to find a way to be close to Lincoln. The storm clouds rolled in the sky and heavy rain began to fall. I found shelter for my horse and entered the cave. There were plenty of candles that remained there and wood to make a small fire. I looked around at the walls at his sketches, tracing them with my fingertips. Some of his old grounder clothing was still there, I could still smell his scent on them. My eyes welled up in sadness. We should have stayed here from the start and never returned to Arkadia. I know no amount of regret would ever bring him back, but I couldn't help but think, 'what if?'
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After everything we'd endured didn't we deserve a happy ending, a chance to thrive in this brutal world? No answers came to the questions I held in my shattered heart. I attempted to seek solace in sleep that night, but it wouldn't allow it. I walked outside back into the rain and sat in the open air letting it pour over me. It felt cleansing as though it was washing away my past life. I remain unsure if this new life of solitude would be the making of me or if it would eventually turn me to stone.
After the bad weather had subsided, I made my move your leave Lincolns cave. I didn't want to run the risk of any members of Skaikru seeking me out there. Even when Ckarke made her decision to leave Arkadia after Mount Weather, Bellamy and the others searched tirelessly for her. Although, I've made it clear I don't wish to be found, I know that wont stop Bellamy looking for me. I understand now how Clarke must have felt needing her solitude, needing time to deal with the harsh decisions we've had to make ever since landing back into this world. Now more that ever I respect how through it all she's still there trying to make things better. I hope she allows herself time to grieve for Lexa. From the moment I arrived in Polis I could see just how much she cared for her, even though it was left unspoken. Part of me regrets being so harsh and forcing her to make the decision to leave the capital, to leave Lexa behind but those were desperate times. Clarke and I may be on separate paths but we're not so different. We've loved, we've lost, we've fought constantly for our people and had times where we've never felt so disconnected. Later that day my journey found me passing by the ruined statue of Abraham Lincoln. The rays of sunshine beamed down into the open glade. With a tear in my eye I pondered my place in the world. I'm not Skaikru, I'm not Trikru, I'm faced with this limbo existence. Maybe a lack of identity is what I need. A clean slate, no past, only the present moment and an un-written future.
