Where Hope Is Found

Little Things

"Charlotte, if you’re any more aggressive with those cups you’re gonna break ‘em.”

Leo was watching me attempt to do dishes, but I had been so full of frustration and anger lately I couldn’t do anything right. The new coffee shop location had been open for two days now, and it had been busy non-stop. People were constantly coming in and out and there was always a job I needed to do. I thought this would help keep my mind off of my disastrous date with Harry at the jazz club on Wednesday, but I’d had no such luck. It hadn’t helped with keeping my mind off of memories bubbling up from my past either unfortunately. My head was constantly in the clouds and of course Leo could tell.

“Do you believe in bad luck on Friday the 13th?” I asked, putting a mug on the drying rack a little bit too hard and chipping off a piece of the bottom. I looked up at him to see if he saw. He did.

With a sigh he replied, “No, I don’t believe in all that superstitious stuff. I think it would be safe to say that you do though, you’ve been crabby all day.”

“Yeah well I didn’t believe in any of that either until my entire week went to complete rubbish. Do you think the bad luck from just Friday can spread to your entire week?”

“This week ain’t over yet.”

“I know, and I wish it was because it’s all just been a nightmare.” My voice was beginning to waver so I didn’t say anything else. It was so hard not to think about what happened on Wednesday.

Leo was looking at me with sad eyes. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid but I needed someone to talk to. Holding in all of this hate and irritation wasn’t healthy, and it also wasn’t helping me figure out what to do about this whole situation. I really liked Harry, and I wanted to work this entire thing out, but I had no idea how to go about it.

“How are things with Harry?” he asked, reading my body language and sensing that that was where all of this was coming from.

“It’s all so frustrating Leo. I don’t know what to do. I mean we haven’t been dating for very long, about a week now. We’re just beginning to learn some deeper details about each other and just out of the blue, ghosts from our past decide to jump out and throw up a wall between us. And what’s worse, well for me personally, it’s in an area that is sensitive and really hard to talk about. It took me an entire year to tell you about it all. You know how that is Leo,” I finished gloomily.

He looked down with the same sad look. I knew he would understand. “I know whatcha mean. Have you even tried talking to him about it at all?”

“I haven’t talked to him since the night it all happened,” I replied, head hanging in shame. “I don’t know how to address it. More than anything I don’t want things to move too fast, and I just know this would mess everything up. If we’re honest with each other about these things, it’s going to bring us really close really fast if it doesn’t pull us apart, and that scares me so much. It’s just all too much.”

“Charlotte, you have to learn to face your problems. I know it’s going to be awkward and weird, but if you really like Harry how you say you do then it will be worth it. You can be honest and still take things slow. You two have something really special; I can see it. My missus and I had the same problem you know.”

I looked over at him then, surprised that he had brought up his wife. It was very unexpected. “Really?”

He nodded and continued, “We were in love from the moment we met, and even though we tried to take it slow every little thing that we learned about each other, good or bad, made us fall in love that much more. It was out of our control. I remember her telling me the strangest things about herself, and I would always think if it were anyone else saying it that would be a deal breaker. But with her, it was precious to me. Even though it made her think she was so far from perfect, in my eyes it made her perfect for me and that’s all I cared about.”