Where Hope Is Found

Where Hope Is Found/Epilogue

"What are you thinking,” he whispered in my ear. I could feel his breath on my neck as he brushed away my hair from my cheek, slightly running his fingers against skin and sending instant warmth to my face.

I turned my head slowly to look at him. Staring straight into his eyes with an unwavering gaze I said softly, “I’m just wondering how you could love someone so much it hurts.”

This didn’t seem to surprise him the slightest bit. “That’s simple.” I blinked and shifted my head slightly in confusion. He turned his head back to the sky and continued, his words as gentle as the breeze that slightly rushed over us, “When the hurt seems like nothing compared to how empty you feel when you’re apart, then the feeling of being with them becomes like a drug. You can’t do without it.”

“I can’t believe she’s gone.” My voice was wavering and I was fighting so hard to not break into tears again. The image of her small body against the harsh black of the street asphalt made my heart want to break into a million pieces. It just hurt so much. She was like family to me, being by my side from the start of this entire adventure. She was my friend when I felt alone in such a foreign place. Now she was truly and forever gone from my life.

He moved closer then. The sides of our bodies were meshed together like puzzle pieces and his hand brushed over mine faintly sending invigorating chills across my body. He pulled my face close to his, warm peppermint breath kissing my cheeks. His large hand was entangled in my hair cupping the back of my neck entirely. I closed my eyes and took in the delicious feeling of the intimate proximity of him. I missed him so much. I missed moments like these so much. The tips of his curly hair tickled my forehead until finally our faces met, foreheads pressed together. I could feel his lips so close to mine, just millimeters in distance. This was my comfort zone.

He breathed, “I know Lottie. I know it hurts. Losing someone is one of the worst feelings a person can experience.” He paused for a moment before continuing, “I feel like I’ve lost you. When I’m not with you, it’s like I’m missing half of me. I don’t feel like myself.”

The world around us seemed to quiet then. The wind was the only thing I could hear other than Harry’s words and it played like soft background music. I felt so emotionally numb. So much had happened in the last month that I just wanted to shut everything completely off. I couldn’t handle anything else.

My eyes still closed he resumed, “I feel like half a man. You’re constantly on my mind. I’ll admit though, I have tried to get you out of my head, but then I just feel so lost. When we’re apart I wake up feeling cold and broken.”

I opened my eyes then to look at him. I could see sadness in his gaze and my heart went out to him. He kept going with a distant look in his eyes like he was reliving those days in his mind.

“I can’t focus on anything else other than how to get you back. I need you more than anything. More than air it feels like at times. I would do anything Lottie. Anything. I realize now more than ever that I want us to be forever. I can’t imagine a life any different. These dreams that I have, these once in a life time experiences that have been offered to me, I will turn them all down if it means not being with you. People may think I’m absolutely mental to say that, but that wouldn’t be a life worth living to me. I wouldn’t be living out my dreams, not without you. You’ve become those for me. The taste of fame and riches wouldn’t taste nearly as sweet. Lottie, my love, caring for you is worth everything to me.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” I told him, turning away. I couldn’t look him in the eye and say these things. It broke my heart, and with what he just said, it was breaking his as well. “I can’t let you turn this down. Mr. Harrell said it’s an all or nothing contract. Without you, the boys won’t be able to live out their dream either. I can’t take that from them, and more than anything I can’t bear to take that from you.” I couldn’t help it. Tears began to slowly but steadily stream down my cheeks and I clenched my eyelids shut tightly, wishing them away. My body ached from the emotive pain.