Being Next to You

Chapter 27: The beauty you called fake can be something really beautiful.

"Naveen" means exquisite beauty.

"Amara" means beautiful soul.

Those are my sister's names, and my name, "Shaine" means beautiful person.

But...

Not all names match the person given to that name.. Because I, myself do not believe I'm a beautiful person.

Rewinding the records of my past, I remembered when my dad explained to me when I was curious about our given names. And he answered because we, his children, are his most beautiful gifts. I was very happy and proud of that answer because I loved him so much. But, I also remembered the fights he had with our mom, even the day mom left and took us away from him without any warning.

Amara hasn't been born yet, and still in mom's womb when we left. Mom only realized she was pregnant when we moved to the apartment.

She only named her "Amara" as one of the unchosen names for Navy when she was still an infant, and since she was his child, talking about dad.

My older sister was thirteen and she's my mother figure. Mom and I weren't close, (rather than I was terrified of her) so I always ask Naveen instead, yet she never answered the questions of a six year old, instead, giving me a smile.

A year passed after she gave birth to our new baby sister, mom left without even saying a word and never came back. She just left, leaving her children behind inside a dark and empty room alone by themselves.

We were brought to the police station after the neighbors noticed crying from our place made by entirely by the baby. They brought us to dad's parents, but dad wasn't around. And the eldest kept smiling, holding each of our hand as our situation keeps getting worse.

But, when I saw that smile, I promised myself that I will be the best person I can be, even things get tough I need to keep smiling just like my sister did.

And so, I did keep my promise starting when I entered grade school until now. But when I was eleven, me, and my siblings left our grandparents' care because my sister found a job as soon as she finished highschool and brought us with her to live in her small apartment.

We were grateful to our grandparents because they gave the love that we needed. Dad wasn't around, but Amara didn't felt lonely with doting grandparents around. Mami (grandmother) and Paps (grandfather) supported us living in our new home. And we also visit them on the weekends.

All I need is their love. No more, no less.

I don't even recall my mother's face anymore, however, I can remember my dad's face so clear and vivid, I really don't understand but I left it how it was. Because what's important is what lies ahead of me. Yet, there's a part in me where I want to treasure my dad's words to be the beautiful person I can be.

Being that beautiful person wasn't easy for me to handle because it means to be nice and well behaved with all the people around you, even with the people I dislike. I practiced and perfected my angelic smile whenever I speak with other people. Well, that's because I am handsome and beautiful on the outside and all I need is to perfect the inside.

I became the perfect role model and student in school with excellent grades and a well-loved character (even it was horrifying to play nice in front of other people.) I was the girls' "Prince Charming", I can make girls, young and old to fall head over heels with just one smile. And I became everyone's friend.

But, becoming everyone's friend was hard in my part because I didn't trust anyone. My classmate, so-called 'friends' are nothing but strangers because when I turn my back all I can hear are annoying noises. Not even my parents can earn my trust, except for my sisters and grandparents.