April 13, 2017 (12:31 PM)

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I  have  so many  feelings  inside  yet  not  a  way  to  express  them,  except  in  solitude.

Sometimes  I  just  sit  alone  and  think  about  our  memories  together  and  smile.

Other  times  I  just  cry  in  the  shower  to  let  the  water  wash  away  my  tears,  in  an  effort  to  not  feel  them  brush  against  my  cheeks  as  they  fall.

And  in  times  like  this  I  just  write  for  hours  about  everything  I  want  to  tell  you  and can't.

Words  after  words  have  accumulated  in  the  piles  of  paper  I  have  with  your  name  written  all  over  of  them.

I  wonder  what  you'd  think   if  you  read  them.

Would  you  say,  "she  really  did  love  me"

Or  would  it  not  make  a  difference?

Maybe  I'll  never  know.

But  if  you  ever  do,

know  that  these  pages  are  filled  with

everything  I   never  said  to  you.

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