I Choose You : A New Chapter

Weight of the World

"Darling, if you don't call them nappies, then I'm not going to understand what you mean," Ben said, as he threw the baby bag in the back of the car. When he got into the driver's seat, Cassie told him, "Get used to it because they are diapers."

Ben rolled his eyes, then backed out of the driveway. He just spent ten minutes trying to figure out what "diapers" she was talking about. It wasn't until he remembered their conversation a few nights ago about the difference between the word diaper and nappy that he realized what she was talking about. 

His mind has been so jumbled lately. Between Aiden, school about to start up again, keeping up with Cassie's parent's recovery, work being a pain to be away from because they constantly called him, and little to no sleep, he was off on another world. He tried to keep down on Earth when he could, but it so hard at times. 

As he drove them to Aiden's first check-up, he felt Cassie's hand go on his leg. "Stop it," she softly told him. He was confused as to what she was talking about, until he realized he was drumming his fingers against the steering wheel at an alarming speed.

"Sorry," he sighed. He gripped the steering wheel tightly to stop himself. He felt her fingers run through his hair and he immediately relaxed. "Why are you so stressed?" She asked. He took a deep breath, then shook his head. "No reason," he told her. "Let's just focus on this appointment."

She let it go for now, but still kept her hand on him. When they reached the hospital, Ben carried Aiden in his carrier with one hand, while the other held on to Cassie's. They went to the doctor's office, signed in, then waited. 

While they waited, one of the nurses walking by dropped a metal tin on the floor, causing a loud bang! sound. Both Ben and Cassie jumped, but Aiden didn't move a muscle. "Darling, I'm starting to think something is wrong here," Ben said, as he watched Aiden sleep peacefully. 

Cassie looked worried as she said, "Same here. He doesn't react to any noise." Ben snapped his fingers in his son's face, making Cassie smack his arm. "Stop it!" She scolded. Just then, the doctor came back and called them in. 

"How's life as new parents?" The doctor asked as he shut the door. "Exhausting," Cassie joked. The doctor took Aiden out of his carrier and gently set him on a soft table. "Yeah, I remember my first little one," he said. "We had no idea what to do. When we had our second, it was easy."

Ben held Cassie close as he said, "I think we'll wait a little bit on the next one." Cassie patted his chest and said, "Agreed." The doctor chuckled as he looked over Aiden. He checked his heartbeat, blood pressure and everything seemed to be looking good. 

"Um, we do have a bit of a concern," Ben told him. "Aiden, he doesn't react to any noise. Something drops, someone shouts and he continues to sleep or not react at all. Should we be worried?" The doctor looked confused. 

"Well," he said, "while that would be a blessing in disguise, yes you should be. Let me just check his ears a little more thoroughly and we'll see what the problem is. Normally, it's built up wax, sometimes the nurses even forget to clean the ears well after babies are born."

That seemed to put the parents's minds at ease. As the doctor checked Aiden's ears with a stronger scope, Ben rubbed Cassie's arm in comfort. "Oh, dear," the doctor suddenly said, make Ben and Cassie both tense up. "What's wrong?" Cassie urgently asked. 

The doctor looked up at them and said, "His eardrums are ruptured." They didn't know what they meant. "What are you saying?" Ben asked. The doctor picked up Aiden and handed him to Cassie as he said, "I'm sorry, but...Aiden is deaf." 

Cassie held on to her son as she gasped, "What? How? When I was pregnant, he would respond to our voices, music..." The doctor told her, "And I have no doubt that he did. It probably happened during or very shortly after the birth."

Ben wrapped his arms around his wife and son, still in mild shock. "What do we do?" He asked. The doctor stood up and pulled a pamphlet from one of the many drawers in the room. He handed it to Ben, then said, "Those are different hearing aides. Since Aiden is a newborn, you want to start off with the smallest size and upgrade as he gets older. I'm sorry, but that's all I can do. I can run a few more tests if you want to be reassured."

Ben and Cassie immediately jumped at that, so the doctor did the tuning fork test, where he hit to metal instruments together next to Aiden's ear. He didn't respond to it. "I'm sorry, but if a child doesn't respond to that noise...then I'm afraid we're completely sure."

They couldn't believe this. This entire time when they spoke to Aiden, sang to him, read to him, they thought he was hearing their voices. Turns out, he wasn't hearing anything. It was these thoughts that made Cassie start to cry as Ben drove them home. 

"Hey, hey, it's alright," Ben soothed. "Darling, we are going to figure this out, I promise." When they got home, Ben put Aiden in his crib, then he and Cassie sat at the kitchen table looking over the pamphlet. 

"Ben, we can't afford this!" Cassie cried. "Look at the prices! Two thousand dollars for the hearing aides themselves, a hundred to have the doctor put them in and test them, and then another two hundred dollar service fee? We won't even get them right away because after that, we have to order them and that's including a shipping fee!"

Ben sighed as he read what she had just told him. "Jesus," he sighed. "Well, we can't use the money from your first check because that has to go to the house if we still want to keep living here. My job pays crap unless I pick up double shifts every night. I mean...I don't know, I can pick up a a second, even third job and work those as much as I can until I go back to school. Use that money for Aiden, then your check on the house and eat ice cubes for the next six months...if we can even afford that. Unless...unless we move."

Cassie sighed and put her hand over his. "Ben, I don't want to put anything before our son, not even a damn house. Our baby needs to hear." Ben held on to her hand as he told her, "I know. I want him to hear our voices, know what we sound like and I want it to be as soon as possible. If we do decide to move, it could make it easier. Not a whole lot easier, but much more than right now."

He wiped a tear away from her cheek with his thumb. "I'll go look up some apartments," she told him. He nodded and watched her get up and head over to her laptop. He then looked back to the pamphlet and shook his head. This was a whole other weight added to his shoulders and right now...

...he had the weight of the world.