book club

twenty-two || augustus

Once In A Lifetime - Landon Austin

Pumpin Blood - NONONO

We were laying there, my head on his chest, his hand resting on my neck. Harry's heart was beating strong, but his breaths were shallow and fast.

"I went to the doctor the other day." He says.

I look up at him. "Oh yeah? What's up?"

Harry smiles softly. "I guess I really am Augustus Waters." He replies.

I sit up, praying to god that I was hallucinating, that I what he said was simply a figment of my imagination.

"What do you mean?" I ask, my voice wavering.

Harry's eyes are glossy and hollow. I couldn't say that I didn't notice he subtle changes of his physique. Over the last few weeks he had steadily gotten thinner, his aches had become more frequant, and his cheeks had begun to sink into his face.

"I'm dying, Lea." He says softly.

It feels like my heart has been wrenched from my body and thrown onto the floor. My chest burns and my head spins. This must be some sick dream.

"They said that I wouldn't have noticed it, the cancer, until it had progressed to the point where they can't cure it. The universe plays some sick tricks, doesn't it?," He takes a deep breath in. "I'm scared, Lea. I don't want to die. I used to try, you know. I used to try to kill myself because there wasn't any motivation to live. And then you came along. I didn't think I would ever leave you, but I guess, fate is not in my hands."

I'm shaking, clinging to him, thinking that maybe if I never let go of him, then he'll be alright. There are no tears falling from my eyes, the initial shock still hasn't settled in and rocked my bones.

"You're lying. This is a joke right? I know it is, it's a joke." I shake my head back and forth until my brain is throbbing, and Harry has to bring me to his chest to control my movements.

"No, Lea. This isn't a joke. But, I'll see you in Heaven. I'll see you in heaven, my Hazel Grace."

I awake with a start, my body soaked with the sheen of my own sweat. My hair clings to my neck and face, my tank top plastered to my skin. My hands are groping around the bed, feeling for Harry, searching for him and praying to the gods that he's still here. When my hand falls on something warm, I relax. He's here, sleeping peacefully next to me, perfectly healthy.

I fall over him sobbing into the sheets when he wakes up and asks me what's wrong. As I tell him about the dream, his face become somber and his arms wrap around my waist, holding me tight and whispering in my hair.

"I'm okay. I'm right here, Lea. I won't ever leave you. I promise, alright? I promise." He chokes.

"I don't want you to be Augustus." I say, wiping my nose on the back of my hand.

Harry chuckles. "Then you can't be my Hazel Grace." He replies, softly brushing his thumb over my cheek.

"Well, then I won't be your Hazel Grace. I'll be your Lea Golding, because that's who I am. And you can be my Harry Styles, because that's who you are." I say.

"I quite liked to comparison of us to the book characters, at least, while it lasted." He sighs.

"You only wanted to be as literarily gifted as Augustus." I smile.

He grins and squeezes my hips. "Maybe I just want a girl who doesn't cry as much as you." He bites back.

"I don't cry that much." I roll my eyes and inch over so that my back is to him.