Finding Me

Chapter 3 Societal Critics

We are all different. Our worlds are guided by our first education from home, ever since the very first day our mothers taught us how to call out to them, or those days in our teen years when they taught us every single day what is right and what is wrong, and the importance of being able to listen to your inner child. Most of our lifetime though, we are more in contact with what lies beyond the walls of our houses; be it our neighbourhood, the whole community or some collection way beyond that. This external collection, as I may try to literally refer to it, forms part of society, and it is what brings us to total perfection, and what boosts us to work up to our maximum capabilities, and yet, in equal right, it is the exact world that steps on us, crush all we have and watch as we collapse without actually helping us to pick up the rest of the shattered pieces. Without any translation or terminology, societal critics, the state of society to question the words and actions of an individual, without much of an attempt to understand the next person in question, the critics and judgement without facts is one of the many things that leads us to not really knowing who we are, or accepting the fact that we are who we are without questioning our differences from the rest.

Norms, in terms of society, is defined as the expectations of the society itself, without any considerations or respect whatsoever towards the persons in question. This means, behaviour of an individual is governed by certain expectations of the society, irrespective of how the person feels, and the right to owning what one does in terms of actions or behaviour. In every society, be it rural or urban, eastern or western, there is always questions directed to every one of us. We are expected to live in a particular manner and behave in a certain way without actually questioning anyone. This is often linked with the fact that our reputations are somehow interlinked, and the way I behave affects the overall image of the next person, be it society in general or family in particular. Norms doesn’t however, involve most of the forbidden acts, like dating from a very young age, fathering a child at sixteen or same sex relations. It mostly involve the overall picture of an individual, and the expectancies from society.

Morals however, include all that is seen as forbidden, abomination and of great harm to society in general, and our own kind in particular. These are a set of inexistent rules that governs our lives without actually questioning them. These include, but not limited to, our behaviour in society in general, and our conduct as individuals in particular. In most of our societies, what we often think is right by us is abomination for the next person, and committing such without applying any form of critical thinking is a waste in terms of society. All of this leads to a series of events, a series of questioning and most of all, a series of critics most especially from society itself. In return, our lives are not ours only, but with society too.

One of the very important qualities an individual must have to actually understanding who they really are depends on their ability to listen without question, value what the next person is trying to express, analyse it and process it, but most of all, the ability to listen with a filter. Sometimes we get to be ignorant, thus turning a blind eye on society is not, in any possible manner, an option. We cannot choose to be blind if our sight is as straight as that of an eagle, but rather learn to sort and prioritise. Knowing who we are doesn’t always depend on what people say to us about ourselves, but rather to what we think of ourselves. Society plays one role of vital importance in knowing who we are, but does it really have to be society to decide on what we should be? Living a life without actually considering what society criticizes of you, without any regrets whatsoever of not listening, putting into account all that seems just by you, is one of the important aspects that can help an individual to understand themselves even more without any form of confusion from any external factors.

Testimonial

I was nine when I got forced into a fight at school. It wasn’t really my call, but I found myself tangled up in all that anyway. I tried to run, but I knew I will end up getting bullied anyway. I know I was just a child, but I was aware of what was right and what was wrong, yet I fought anyway. I might prove to be more of a coward if I do not accept that most of it was my own doing anyway, since I was the one involved in the fight.

I grew up, not really minding my soft spots. I never really cared how naïve I can get, and yeah, I know most of it was out of stupidity, but it wastnt really my fault. I am like that. I will always be like that. Throughout high school, expectations from people grew every day that passed, every moment I stepped into that school. I had to be definite. Complete. But I was just too different, and yeah, people don’t like ‘different’.

I have tried over the years to change, but change is not easy. When I was in high school, I was somewhat forced to do something that I never wanted to do, yet alone, never saw myself doing. Because of the fear of being badmouthed that am not a man enough, I took refuge in dating the most powerful girl from the other high school in town. She is smart, loving, caring, and most of all, every guy wanted her. She is the kind of girl that makes a guy swallow his words up, the kind that you cannot really approach with ease. Well, our relationship was much of a bumpy ride; the number of times we broke up are endless. And the most funniest, scariest and devastating of all, is the fact that I never went close enough, let alone, just to kiss her. I was scared. Scared to hurt her, scared of what she might think of me. Scared of who I have become, just because of the fact that I listened to what most of my peers say to me, and always did what they asked of me.

Most of all, I was scared for people to find out about all we have done together, which is nothing but chat whenever we go for a date. A simple quick hug to me was even much, but that’s nothing to make me regret more anyways. The only thing that makes me burn up to this very day, is listening to what people say, listen to their teachings and accept all they say without actually considering the consequences. I believed I was less of a man back then, which my actions were that of a sissy, and being called that at school every single day, at home too, especially throughout high school, was one of the reasons why I resorted to hurting her. We are still friends, but I have taken away something greater from her, something no one will ever be able to take from her, and that is her dignity and sincerity.

I decided to be responsible of all that I get to do, more especially my actions that have a direct impact to society in general, and my personal life in particular. I had to decide if it was worth it to be pushed around by people’s expectations, or if I should be responsible for my own actions, without considering outside input of less importance. Finally, I had control again.

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