Finding Me

Chapter 5 Blind Faith (Fake Me, Fake Personality)

Sometimes we get to believe that what we see is what we get. Whatever we get to believe in is guided by what we have believed in ever since we were kids, not ignoring however the impact and evident contributions of society. Our faith mostly lies in what we believe in and all that we stand for, be it our parents, a best friend, a psychologist that you lately confided in or that girl or boy that made the world feel safer. Faith is defined as the trust we invest in someone’s abilities or knowledge, in return that whatever has been promised of the investment will be fulfilled. This includes a lot of aspects, but we cannot afford to leave out one specific thing; that faith is believing that what we get to do is right, believing that something is correct and that questioning our decisions is rather a curse than a blessing. Knowing how to invest faith and where to invest it is one thing, but keeping it in that specific “right” place is another, because we mostly end up not seeing what lies beyond our eyes other than what our physical vision can tell.

Personality is one of the main aspects that contribute to the shield of blind faith during self-recreation. It’s either we doubt ourselves, or we strongly believe in who we are and what we stand for. On a lot of occasions, we get to question ourselves in comparison with the next individual, yet it never added up. We try so hard to match what we have with what the next person has, their qualities and all that’s held up within their character, yet it all fails to satisfy our inner selves. An individual’s personality is a combination of all his great characters that makes him who he is, not, of course, ignoring their faults.

Character is way much easier in terms of comprehension. The image that you are today, what you do, where you come from, how you react, overall behaviour and how you look at life in general will mostly define how much you tend to stand your ground when facing a particular situation no matter how hard it get to knock you down. Mostly, what we do is not what is of our nature, because when we re-create ourselves, we get to lose a lot, reputation being one of the primary costs of our selfless behaviour. We get to believe that we are not doing more damage, yet we are not using some stitches either. Our image depends on how we get to present ourselves within society, but that same image fades as much as we tend to blindly choose what we think is for the best, and behave in a way that we somewhat believe is acceptable to society, without actually considering what our inner selves prefer. The mistake that we frequently tend to commit is the act of not digging deep within ourselves and try to understand fully all it will cost and how much we might probably lose when we make wrong choices.

Pride is one of the best shields when it comes to self-recreation, yet it only take a bit more of it to poison our reputation. Sometimes we do not see the damage, and when we get to, it’s already too late. We get to believe that we are better off without expressing our inner selves, and buying the idea that without letting people knowing our true inner selves does much repair than being who we actually are. Truth of the matter, we rather sink to the bottom; an anchor is even slower.  Having some form of respect towards yourself is one thing, but taking it a mile further is another. That feeling of satisfaction, the feeling of being more important that others, and most importantly, the feeling of being a single achiever does nothing but marks great scars to the heart. Pride is needed, but believing in ourselves to the extent of searching for a place in society in such a way that our energy that drives us can be sensed from a distance is no great sign at all.

Sometimes we tend to invest our trust somewhere, but do we truly place it where we are actually supposed to invest it? Does it really count, if knowingly or unknowingly, what we do is just hide behind what we are, and avoid the ugly truth of who we actually are? It is of outmost importance to question our characters on a regular basis in order to understand and control the energy that drives us, other than letting it take charge. People do not come in packages, but a perfected package of yourself is worth a shot, more especially if your character is at stake. You might not see the damage now, but you will definitely catch up with it all in the long run.

Testimonial

Pride is an easy thing to have and keep, yet letting go sometimes proves to be challenging. In most cases, we get to sit back, relax and enjoy the show as if we run it all, not putting into consideration all the damage that can actually mark us forever. All our lives, from the point that we get to understand that we are entitled to our own rights, we get to do a lot of stuff, some of it fading from memory, as if it never happened. The way we live and our behaviour towards society itself is governed by the societal norms and morals which somewhat gets to shape us into what we are today.

Personally, I know I have been proud, which of course, am sure now that it wasn’t the best choice either. I always tell people that faith can change you and the way you look at life (well, not religious based faith in this note). If you are a strong believer then your faith is more concrete, and you never fail yourself when it comes to decision making. You always stand your ground and make sure that what you do is what you think is correct and nothing, and I mean absolutely no one can and will not change your mind to continue standing your ground.

Well, things change when you don’t actually know or understand the energy that drives you, and in this perspective, viewing it from the “pride” point of view. Believe it or not, but there is a certain internal energy that drives us and that makes us who we are, and pride is one of the components of this internal energy. I know that I have been a victim of this kind of energy, and I have fallen to it all of my childhood. After being neglected by a close friend soon after my mother’s death, I was fuming with rage from inside out which made it even easier to push me away from people. I became who I became, and I know that my pride served to be the best shield of all times.

Sometimes living a closed off life is not a great thing, but not being yourself or who you should actually be is another. I know that many have tried but failed to understand my reasoning, because I gave none anyway whenever anyone tried to get any closer to me. Sometimes, am always under the impression that there are people we know, that we get to refer to as friends, and people that we allow to know a certain fraction of our lives, which we call close friends. You can fight me, but that’s how far I go. Knowing someone is more than enough for me, minding the fact that I have had a broken childhood, not actually having a ‘best friend’ in my third grade, or the existence of the fair when I entered high school.

Sometimes I am under the impression that choosing to be dormant is the best thing, but being aware of how much damage that has done to me is another load, adding it all to my tough childhood. I cannot really brag that I have seen it all, yet I can’t refuse to acknowledge the fact that my actions have taught me that I cannot entirely depend on being too proud to realize that my pride is emitting off some energy that might just burn me. Being broken is one thing, but letting it shield the real truth does nothing but cracks up your character.

#Power_of_a_Black_Man