Finding Me

Chapter 10 Self-Acceptance

We live in such a complex world, a world full of twists and turns, in which each and every one of us need to do all we have to do to survive. As individuals, we must be capable of working as a single unit, and if deemed necessary, prove that we are also part of the rest of the society. As individuals, functioning as a single unit is not an easy thing, but sometimes, there are less options left. For as long as we understand ourselves, value ourselves and know our purpose in life, it won’t prove to be difficult for us to give it all we can no matter what the situation. At least, at the end of the day, we could say, ‘at least I tried.’ We all have a certain adaptive nature that ensures our survival, one that can even change who we are and what we actually believe in, but embracing who we are, what we are, where we come from and fully recognise our purpose in life is one of the baby steps that one can take to fully embrace their real selves before they get comfortable with the personality they create as a result of societal expectations, which, at some point, can be misleading.

It is in our nature that in certain situations, we turn out to be less open minded and somehow not self-conscious about what we do, the decisions we make, how they affect ourselves and what good or bad it all brings in our lives. For one to achieve this, one should be aware of every action they take, which requires logical thinking or critical analysis of certain situations; the more complex it gets, the more the situation requires one to use their common sense. Well, in this case, common sense is not only knowing what’s bad or wrong and what’s good or right; there is more to it than just a black and white picture. Common sense ensures our maximum potential in all we do, and whatever decision we get to make, we barely regret it later.

The real ‘us’ lies deep down within us, and it is our duty to dig deep down within ourselves, accept who we are and embrace it all. One should know who they are, and understand their purpose in this life. We all have one life to live only, and we better live it the way we should, and not according to people’s expectations. It all starts with us. Understanding all that you went through and having hope for a better future after a complicated situation is not an easy thing. Even more, being black or coming from an ugly background doesn’t limit you; you are the one to choose how far you should climb, not life’s circumstances.

No matter what the cost, we need to fully explore our maximum potential in all that we do. We shouldn’t just think that we are who we are just because the next person says it. Our success is ours and ours only, and we do not get to share our reputations with anyone but ourselves as individuals. We need to live and have stories to tell, we need to explore until there is no more room for exploring, we need to see the world from all the angles possible, and we need to accept whatever it is that defines us just for us to be able to reach such greater heights.

Individuality means analysing your character, understanding it and accepting it without considering all the critics from the next persons first. You know it is your life, and you know you should own it no matter what the cost. Whatever it is that stops you from being you, whatever complicates life for you, cut it off. If it is a dependency problem that you fully recognise as a problem, and as something that complicates the real you, reduce it, accept it and learn how to live with less and less dependency. Whatever kind of help you need in whatever moment, you need to accept it. Everything all starts with acceptance; you accept that you have a problem, understand it and later, learn how to live with it all, or how you can change the situation in your favour. The moment you do not accept that you have a problem, the rest is failure.

Be in control of your own life, your decisions and everything that happens in your life, as long as it is in your favour, and does not, directly or indirectly, affect those around you. Change what you can change about yourself to become a better person, for as long as you are not, in any way, altering your principal character or your inner self. We all make mistakes and we learn from them. That’s how life is supposed to be, a learning process. We can convince ourselves today that we know much already, but believe me, it is never enough. No matter how much we get to convince ourselves that all that we have experienced in life serves us just well, there comes a point where it all just falls, and we get to ask ourselves whatever it is that we might have missed somewhere along the way.