Finding Me

Chapter 1 Who Am I?

The road to self-discovery is endless. You may think that you know yourself today, and tomorrow you might be back to the starting point again. The question that we mostly fear to ask ourselves is, who am I? What am I? Do I really have a purpose, or do I always head where the wind seems to be blowing most? These are not easy questions one can answer in an instant, and it takes a lot of self-understanding and courage to start with.

To some people, all this might not seem original or authentic, but truth shall be told, throughout our teen years and most of our years in varsity, we always try so hard to discover who we are, what we should be doing, who we should be hanging out with, and sometimes, our long-life decisions, although we hardly think of this. I mean, it was never easy back then, it is not easy now, and it will never be easy for generations and generations to come. We will always have a question to ask ourselves, and every single day that passes will bring us closer to finding out more about our inner selves.

When we were kids, life was a bit easier, but did you notice that ever since you became aware of your surroundings, problems started to pile up? Every single year that passed, every birthday celebration you had so far made you think more, worry more and ask more. The funny thing is, no one can really teach us what life is, but rather show us the way to live our lives, and the way to understand, accept and cherish what we have in our hands. We mostly take all we have for granted, and by the time we realize that what we have is of equal importance, or even greater, sometimes, it is already too late.

We are all human, and we always make mistakes, but the unacceptable mistake in life is the mistake of asking yourself this very question, "Who am I?" For an individual to have a definite and concrete answer to this question, one has to analyse certain aspects of his life, his background being the foundation or starting point. Our backgrounds mostly define where we came from, and what we are most likely to be and become. By this, one shall put into consideration aspects such as the upbringing of the individual in question, the environment of upbringing, peers, society itself and the level of exposure to the outside world. Well, when we talk about outside world, we, almost always, should put more emphasis on this aspect, as it is the one that contributes new ideas, results in a new mentality and way of thinking of an individual from an outside source. Having mentioned that, society, peers and upbringing comes into play, which in turn, upbringing also come into act at a later stage. All in all, all these aspects are interrelated, and as we move on through the other chapters, you will realize that one by one, all this affects who we are from inside and our perspectives, way of thinking and approach towards life.

What we need to understand is, life is not just a game, but a puzzle. And most of all, one doesn't have to win always, but rather just quit. Well, knocking sense into that, we don't always have to do things according to how everything is most likely to be, but rather try to be different, and being different doesn't mean deviating from the norms, but rather understanding our inner selves to such an extent that no other second or third individual is needed to tell us who we actually are. The power to unlock doors that seem to be impossible unlocking lies deep within us, and it is our duty to actually realize, discover and learn what lies deep within ourselves. And yeah, it all starts with one annoyingly complicated question; who am I?

Testimonial

I always had difficulties with knowing who I am, where I fit in, who to talk to, and sometimes, what to say. I always thought about everything, and I was never stable or constant in my life. I tried so hard to understand myself, from inside out. Knowing myself, who I was, what I was, my purpose and the reasons probably behind as to why am I different from everybody else was one amazing discovery. It all started when I tried to understand most of the simultaneous actions that occurred in my life. From the abuse of my uncle's wife and his kids, his negligence and blindness throughout the years of my suffering, my parent's divorce and the sudden death of my mother due to a heart failure. I was just eleven, but it all had to go through my head.

Puberty took over, and it was just as difficult to understand these series of events that took place. To me, all this was new. Not that it was bad news; it all moulded me in the end. I mean, I am glad my mom passed, although it's not a great thing to be happy about someone's passing. This is because my mother suffered at the hands of my father, year after year of abuse, which resulted in the mental illness, which by the way is in our DNA. It all runs in the family. Well, all in all, I had to ask myself, even if I was just eleven, if I really want to go through all that, and if there was any kind of monstrous behaviour within me. I had to know. It was of vital importance to me.

I must admit that I matured at a very young age, because just soon after my mother's passing, I had to understand what kind of blood runs through my veins. I had to know who I was, despite the fact of knowing the series of events that took place in my life. I just knew I was different. I knew I had to be different. The manner in which my parents lived was extremely unpleasant to witness, but what has passed has passed. Things really happen for a reason, and one goes through one hell of a mess just to get a great grasp of what life really is, and who they really are or want to be.

I know that we all wish for the best for ourselves, but we can't be at our A-game if we don't really understand who we really are from inside. We need to ask ourselves regularly if who we are right now is who we really are, and if we are not trying to be something else other than normal.

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