Falling Into His Arms- Ivan Martinez Fan Ficiton

Chapter 8

(Trigger warning)

I get up from the door and rush the my bathroom. I shut and lock the door.

My mind completely takes over my body scrambling for something I don't know what until I pull out my razor.

"Not again." I say to myself but my mind filled with depression takes over once again.

As I take apart the razor piece by piece I keep repeating 'please no. I've been clean for 5 years.'

But my conscious doesn't care.

My hands trembled as I picked up the sharp piece of metal.

I place it to my wrist, not wanting to continue, but I forced myself to.

I dragged it 5 times. Not to light, but not to deep.

As I do so, tears fall down my face and onto my marks.

This can't be happening again.
I don't want to die.

I put the razor somewhere safe and threw on some bracelets. I sat in the corner of my bathroom fiddling with the necklace Ivan gave me.

Ivan

He's going to be so upset.

He just can't find out.

*knock knock*

I don't respond.

"Baby girl... it's Ivan... please open the door... I need you... *sniffles*.... please... I can't live without you." The pain in his voice in unbearable to hear.

I still can't bring my mouth to open and speak words back to him.

He fiddled with the door handle but it's locked anyways from the inside.

/:/

It's later on. I still having came out of my room.

I laid on my bed, head facing the wall, tears falling down.

I hear three more knocks.

"Hey Sam, its Jake. I was just coming to check on you. Ivan is heart broken. All he wants is to see your face again. We're all heading out to a movie. We want you to come with. Please. I don't have my camera." Which is unusual cause Jake always has his camera.

I can't face anyone right now.

I walk onto my balcony and sit on the edge thinking about jumping.

It would stop all the pain. I wouldn't feel anything anymore. Everyone would just...stop.

I could grab my blades and end everything at this moment.

You might be wondering, this isn't a big enough deal to kill your self over. Ive struggled with my body for years. Nobody can know. I don't need or want help or pity. Then I just feel worthless.

I've already had a failing attempt at suicide once when I was 13 by a drug over dose. I guess it wasn't enough to numb or stop the pain.

I've never recovered. I've always been like this. Hiding behind a fake mask.

Then I remembered something.

Jake has a gun for emergencies.

What if when their gone I can use it. All the pain will stop. I won't feel anything at all.

/:/

Everyone's left.

It's my chance.

I unlock the bedroom door and run into Jakes.

I search around for the gun and end up finding it under some stuff in Jakes closet.

I take it and put the gun up to my head.
Tears stream down my face.
No one will miss me.
No one loves me.
No one cares.
I'm all alone.
I want to die.
This is it.
I'm done.

I pull the trigger and hear a poof of air.

It's not loaded.

I throw the gun back into Jakes closet and run into my room, locking it from inside.