The End Of All Things

Chapter 2: The Rundown

I bob my head side to side and sing along to "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" one of Panic!At The Disco's classic songs, as I drive to school. God, Brendon Urie, that gorgeous talented man is always on my mind. Yes, I'm a little obsessed but come on who wouldn't be. Ive been listening to this man sing since I was 11, considering Brendon is 12 years older than me it was 2010 when I discovered him and his band. I got hooked and ever since then I've sold my soul to him. Dramatic yes I know but I love him.

   Most people don't understand the life of a "fangirl". We have bands who have saved our lives and we've all fallen hopelessly in love with someone we cant have. It's kinda like torture now that I think about it but I guess it's always been worth it. I run a blog called "Alizes Thoughts" and this is what I talk about all the time. I interview local bands, talk about bands I listen to and music in general, and write. It's been up for 3 years now I started it when I was 16, and recently it has gotten tons of publicity and from that I've gotten a few calls from magazines, asking if I could do an interview for them, or work for them. It's been a lot to deal with since I have to keep up with my schoolwork and stay on track, it is my last year in high school after all but I won't let these opportunity's slip away.

  I've waited years for something like this to happen to me, I'm finally good at something and people are making recognitions of it. My life couldn't be better, well yes it could but I'm not one to complain. I can do this I know I can, just gonna take a lot of work thats all right? Nearly minutes away from school I snap back into reality and take a big deep breath to calm my nerves.
   I don't know what it is about school but it flares my anxiety to whole other levels. Now I know what your thinking. "Oh boo hoo everyone has anxiety get over it" and your right to an extent. Everyone does have anxiety but its different with different people. For me its not eating in the cafeteria during lunch because its to loud and excessive loud noises make me anxious, because there are too many people and big gatherings of people make me anxious. It's not wanting to go out because I end up over thinking about every possible outcome of the situation so staying home is more comforting, its taking days, weeks even to prepare myself for an event as small as a class presentation. Its not wanting to do work in class because the environment makes me uncomfortable and anxious. Its a constant state of worry, fear, uneasiness.
   Keeps me up at night, I get shortness of breath, nausea, dizziness, etc, etc. Not fun what so ever. Some days are way easier than others. Sometimes I go about my day without much trouble but its always there. Even after your heart starts to slow, your breathing becomes normal again, you dont feel like your going to throw up, when your calm and still again, it never goes away completely. Let's just say school doesnt help, you may say exposing me to it everyday will make it just go away and I'll be stronger, maybe your right, but I've been doing that for 5 years and nothing's changed yet.
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I park my car just as first Bell rings. Worried I'll be late I scurry across the parking lot to first wing where band class is held, my first hour since I was in seventh grade. I walk in with my head down and sit in my seat. I exchange greetings with fellow band members, friends, and get to work. I dabble in quite a few instruments but for the time being I've taken up the violin for some time now. The violin is part of me, of who I am. I can express myself through such beautiful sounds and elegant movements.

  Playing takes me to a whole other world just like writing or reading or drawing, I've never really had much fascinating things going on in my life so I always chose to do something that took me somewhere else to another. After first hour the rest of the day goes by in a blur like most my days do. I go to each class, sit and do my work, and then leave onto the next one with the occasional whispers from people in the hallways as I walk by but nothing I'm not used to. Im a senior so I have very few classes, I technically could have graduated last year since I got all my credits but I decided to enjoy senior year and take up a few classes like music production, art, english, just advanced classes for my own liking. After I do the first 4 periods of school I scatter as fast as I can out of that place. Time to go home and work on my blog. All through school I never had very many friends and as I got older I realized I didn't need to be sad about that because I dislike most of these back stabbing fake people. There all the same. So I just do me and move on, half these people will do nothing with there lives but that wont be me. Someday I wish to write for the one and only Rolling Stone magazine.
  I hope that one day, maybe soon hopefully, they'll get word of me and the impossible happens. But things like that take time just like everything else. I've been following this magazine company known as AltPress. Ever since I was a little girl I always wanted to work with them, not even to just write. I always wanted to travel and meet amazing, talented people. Music has always been apart of my life and so has writing so it always seemed like the dream job to me. Still does. I hope to one day work with them along with Rolling Stone. Im supposed to get word today actually from a friend with connections whose trying to give AltPress word of me. My nerves have been a huge bundled mess just waiting. I walk across the school parking lot to my car and as soon as I open my door my phone starts to ring. I take it out and across the screen is displayed a number I've never seen, I hit answer.
"Hello?" I answer with curiosity in my voice.
"Hi is this Alize Romo?" The person asks.
"Um yes it is." I respond.
"Great! Well hi my name is Jason Pettigrew and I am the editor in chief for the magazine Alternative Press and I was wondering if we could meet up sometime when your free!"
I stand still, mouth a gaping, I'm frozen. Is this really happening to me right now? There's no way they actually know who I am.
"Hello?" Jason says. I am brought back to reality by his interruption.
"Oh yes yes hi I'm here! Um yes hi Jason wow I just want to say this is such an honor I love your work oh wow!" I ramble on.
"Well thank you so much, happy to see I have actual fans" he says with a chuckle.
"Yes of course you do! Um but yes I'm free anytime that you are!"
"Well great how about 10am this Friday. I'm flying out to Arizona, which I hear is where you reside, for a business meeting!"
"Ok wow yes I'm absolutely free at that time.
"How about we meet at Fair Trade Café, its in Phoenix!"
"Uh yes yes I'll definitely be there see you there!"
"All right I'll keep in touch! Bye!"
"Yes bye!"
I then hang up the phone.
Holy shit.