Repressed Memories

3/8/17

Was any of it real?
I drive myself insane because I can't figure out what actually happened in my past.

Hello, my name is Willow Sky Hansen
I was born on April 9th, 1999 at 7:28pm in Rapid City, South Dakota.

One of my first vague memories is of this foggy day.
I think I was 4 years old- but I can't be certain.
At that time, I lived with my mother in Rapid City. We lived in a yellow house
I remember this mean old woman who lived next door. Her house was blue
She would yell at me when I sat under the pine trees in her front yard.

But the vagueness of this memory makes me think it was my mind making something up because my father manipulated my thoughts so much.
The memory is of my father walking me home to my mother's after I had spent the weekend with him.
And as we were approaching the walk, he stopped in his tracks.
A large figure appeared out of the mist with two smaller figures by his side.
The large figure would soon become my step father and the two smaller ones were his children.
I don't think it actually happened. But I think it was symbolic and maybe foreshadowed was would come years later.

My biological father was the most paranoid person ever. I remember how he would always call his father a sociopath.
But he was even more.

See, when I was young, he would constantly tell me things about my mother that I didn't need to know. He claimed he was just 'being honest' with me.
But why would you try to turn your child against her own mother?
He wanted me to be afraid of my step father so I would leave and come live with him.
My father planted time bombs in my head so later, they would explode and send me running to him.

And now, they are exploding constantly in my mind when I least expect it.

But I'm not a child anymore.
And I know better than that.
I know that I am strong enough
To face this on my own.