**talks about sex/mentions r_pe**
I cut my hair short because I don't want to be reminded of the boys who have used me for sex.
Because they want to pull on my hair and make me watch as they use me for pleasure.
When they tell me to talk dirty, I say I like doggy style. But the reason isn't because it feels better. I like it because I can bury my face in my hands and I don't have to think about it. I don't have to participate. I can just submit and wait until it's over.
Submit.
And I hate myself for not drawing the line. I hate that I can't say no.
Because technically I wasn't raped when I lost my virginity.
Because I didn't say no.
But that's my problem. I don't feel like I have the right to say no. I feel like I have to do whatever they want.
And I hate it. I hate it.
But I love the feeling of the hair falling to the floor. I love the buzz of the razor that shaves my head completely bald.
Because it feels like I can let go
Of all the pain
All the boys who touched me
All the times i mistook physical affection
For emotional longing.
YOU ARE READING
Repressed Memories
RandomSometimes the only way to cope is to get it all out. For me that is writing. A brief yet sometimes in-depth display of childhood memories. These are true events in my life. *I will warn readers before hand with this disclaimer: If you are triggered...
