blue

XIV

Melia's POV

***

I slept alone on our park bench today.

I would be lying if I said I didn't miss falling asleep and having the reassuring feeling of his arms around me.

I would also be lying if I said that I didn't wake up freezing each time I slept without him. I should be used to it, as I've ran away from my excuse of a home countless times. I was used to the cool cement on my back and the sharp rocks digging into my side, but it doesn't mean that I didn't miss feeling his body against mine instead.

Snap out of it, I told myself. He was only using you. Every time he held my hand or kissed my cheek it was only because he was bored. He didn't love me, and he never did. Hell, I doubt he ever even liked me. But I liked him, and that's exactly why I left him when I did.

I didn't think about him for the rest of the day. If I didn't hold a spot in his mind, he didn't deserve one in mine.

Today wasn't about Ashton. Today was about figuring out who I should trust, and I'm starting with my mom. It took me awhile to realize it, but my mom wouldn't do that to her own daughter. It has to be John controlling her and making her do all these heartless things. My mother has a heart of gold and no matter how many times I have doubted that, in the end I always realize it's true.

It's only been a week since the last time I went to that lab, and I was planning on doing it again.

I dreaded it, but hopefully it goes better than last time. If things go well, I won't come out of there empty handed. My mother will be right by my side.

I took deep breaths as I walked back to the lab. It's only a short walk, but you would have thought I just ran a marathon if you listened to my breathing. I was just so nervous as to what I was going to find when I walk in those doors.

Many minutes past but it felt like many hours. I was there, at the lab, and my lungs felt shrivelled and useless. I was panicking. I didn't want to open those doors. The doors in front of me were the same doors that I decided not to open before. But I wasn't going to let fear and anxiety take control of me this time. I was going to barge in and face whatever was awaiting me.

And just like that, I did it. My dry, pale hands turned the cold steel handle and I walked in as if it was my own house.

I held my head up and acted as if nothing was wrong. I couldn't let anyone suspect anything.

Now, where would my mom be...

I walked past rows and rows of rooms and unfamiliar doors until I finally recognized one.

"This has to be it," I muttered under my shaky breath.

When I faced the door I wanted to turn back. I wanted this to all be over. I wanted life to go back to the way it used to be; simple.

But it was never going to be simple. And with that, I opened the door, scared of what was going to be on the other side.

As it creaked open I closed my eyes and wished for the best.

I opened them when the creaking stopped, and there she was.

My mother.

She looked tired, and the bags under her topaz eyes reminded me of the way she looked when she came home to my disgusting father after a hard, late shift at work. Except this time, I didn't feel as bad for her. John wasn't here. She chose this for herself. She chose to harm and test innocent people like me.

This wasn't my mother.
I tried to tell myself that over and over again but maybe what I was seeing was true and this was my mother in plain sight, forgetting about me and the memories we shared. I was officially just another test subject to her.

I turned away before she could turn around and see me. Tears welled in my eyes that were already burning. I walked out, hoping to never see her face again.

I let the door quietly shut, and began speed walking. I had to get out of here before anyone notices me.

I began thinking. Thinking about Ashton, even though I said I wouldn't, and thinking about what this means for me. What will I do now? Where will I live? Will I ever see Ashton again?

My thoughts were interrupted by the feeling of a solid bicep pushing into my stomach.

I looked up to see a tall, buff male with a face full of anger.

"Look who we have here," his voice echoed, but no one would come to my rescue. "Coming to save her disobedient mother, I assume?"

It was John, the only person who I truthfully hated. Not this, not right now. Please not today.

I closed my eyes. I don't want to see his face. I want to forget this ever happened, forget I ever existed.

Even though I didn't answer, he pretended I did and kept talking. "Well, Melia, your mother doesn't need saving. The only thing she needs is a few punches to the face. That should make her feel better. Maybe she'll learn some respect. In fact, that's exactly where I was headed right now. Unless you had something to talk to me about?"

I had to make a decision. It was me or her. I thought about how she betrayed me and how I probably didn't mean anything to her. I remembered the look on her face when I came home after running away. It was the look of regret. I still don't know if it was the regret of having me as a child, or the regret of not helping me sooner.

Either way, it was a look of regret. It reminded me that if I don't save my mom now, no matter what, I'll regret it.

So I didn't something that wasn't logical, it was the opposite.

I spoke up.

"Don't you dare lay a hand on her," my voice was stern, even though my entire body was trembling with fear.

"I won't," he said, un-phased by my threat, "I'll lay a hand on you instead."

I didn't scream, I didn't run, I didn't kick. I just let it happen. Every blow, every punch, every painful hit. Just like I always do. It was for my mom. It was for her protecting me from the day I was born. I loved her, and I'm sure deep down I still do.

I wanted to scream, run, and kick, though. But I just stood still, paralyzed by my increasing fear.

Tears fell down my throbbing cheeks, and I let them. Faster and faster, more and more, until I had no more left.

The only thing that allowed me to hold on instead of letting myself collapse and never wake up again was the thought that maybe Ashton was somewhere searching for me; missing me.