The Altercations with 24

So This Is What Pain Must Feel Like

The Beast awoke from his train yard home when he heard Casey say that the cops found her. He arose from his position, listening in on her and Dennis's phone call. He heard him began her to come back, but his stubborn Casey would never do that. She would protect them at all cost. She would want to keep them safe. She is so selfless and protective and a part of him hated her for that.

The Beast felt a strange feeling rise up in him. Was it..... fear? A Beast like him? What could be possibly fear? But it wasn't fear for himself. It was fear for Casey. The fear of her unknown future. The fear of what the police would do to her if she wouldn't talk. The fear of never seeing her again. He heard their conversation coming to a close and stole the light from Dennis before he could hang up.
  

"Casey." He said simply. He couldn't think of what else to say. She wouldn't listen to him, no matter what he said. He couldn't change her circumstances. All he could do was wait for her to answer. The Beast thought she wasn't going to at how long it took her to say one word. 

"Hey." He could feel her pain through the phone. He cringed at how sad one word could be. 

"What happened?" He asked her, at a lost of what else to say. They changed her appearance too much to be recognized. Didn't they?
 

The Beast listened to her explain what happened and how she was trying to get as far away from the hotel as possible. She was getting as far away from him as she possibly could. 

"That's not what I'm worried about. I'm worried about you." He blurted out. 

"Don't. I can take care of myself. You taught me well." There was still so much more to teach her. Casey was acting like they would never see each other again. It was hard for him to believe. This couldn't be the last conversation they ever had. There had to be another hunt, another day, another kiss.

 "We'll get you out. We'll find a way." He promised her. He intended to keep that promise. 

"Don't. Finish what we started." Casey had already given up. She doesn't think she'll be with us at the end of the mission. Maybe it's time I face the facts, he thought.

 "I will." was all the Beast was able to say. 

"I know you will." She said, a small sob escaping her lips. 

"Don't cry. They have nothing on you. You'll be home soon." He needed to give her hope. He needed to give her a fake sense of optimism. The Beast planned to give her something to fight for.

"Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right. Don't worry, I'll make up a good story. They'll never be the wiser." He smiled at how protective she was over them. Anything for the people you love, she once told him. 

"This can't be goodbye. This just can't be." His thoughts echo the same thing. 

"This isn't." He lied. "You'll be there for the end of our mission. Understand?" He tried to sound as firm as possible. She had to believe him. Even though the Beast didn't believe himself.

"I understand." She told him. "I need to go now." Casey said. He closed his eyes and felt the weight of goodbye on his chest. 

"Okay. Be safe. Give them hell." He told her. He didn't want to hang up. He wanted to fight for her. He wanted to run all over the streets of Baltimore until he found Casey and killed anyone who tried to take her away from him. The Beast wanted to do all these things, but all he did was stand in Dennis's room.

"I will. I love you." And with that, Casey hung up. He froze there for a minute, the phone still lifted to his ear. He couldn't move. He didn't want to move. He just wanted kill something. The Beast crushed the phone in his hand, obliterating the object. She loved him. And he would never get the chance to say it back.    

The Beast roared as he threw the remains of the phone against the wall. Watching the phone crash against the wall released a primal feeling in him that felt good. He grabbed a nearby lamp and threw it against the wall, watching it shatter on impact. Casey's gone. And she wasn't coming back. He lifted a chair off the floor and tossed it against the wall, causing the plaster to crack. His chest was heaving at this point, the anger all but bursting out of him.

What was this feeling? He understood anger, but other feeling was foreign. It felt like someone was crushing his heart in their hand and kicking him in the stomach at the same time. The next thing the Beast grabbed was a table that met the same fate as the chair. The plaster cracked more, leaving a bigger, uglier crack. Just the sight of it made him angry. This stupid hotel that Casey worked so hard at maintaining. This stupid room and that stupid girl.

The Beast sent another chair flying at the ugly cracked wall. He blamed her for getting caught. What was she thinking? What was she doing to get caught by a cop? But most of all he blamed himself. He should have been there to protect her. He should have never let Casey go off alone. If he had been there, she would be here. That thought sent another object flying at the wall. This is ridiculous. She's just a girl. He shouldn't be acting this way because of a girl.

His vision was clouded by Casey. He spent so much time focusing on her that he delayed his main focus. He only killed six impures because most of his time was focused on Casey. He spent so much time on her because he loved her. "I love her?" He asked to one one in particular. Then he realized what that unfamiliar feeling was. The Beast attacked the cracked wall with his full strength, punching a hole straight through it. And he did it again. And again. And again and again and again until he ran his knuckles raw.

That feeling. That guy wrenching feeling. He would channel this into what he set out to do. He would kill as many people as he could for as long as he could. He hoped that his spree would take away some of the pain Casey left behind. Huh. That's what he was feeling. So this is what pain must feel like.