Searching For Sanctuary

21. Learning

The following Monday, I was ready to go back to work. As I rolled over that morning, I felt stiff in all of my joints. I had an excruciating headache and felt a cold sweat across my skin. With bleary eyes, I blinked slowly as the room slowly came into focus. Everything was the same but something was different.

I sat up slowly, feeling my body ache in protest. "Doc!" I called hoarsely.

I heard his footsteps rush down the hallway. His head peeked around the door frame. "Yes?" He asked, voice soft and quiet.

"I feel like shit," I explained, rubbing at my temples. "But I've got to go back to work."

"Do you feel like you have to go back to work because you want the money or do you feel like you have to go back you've missed so many days?"

"Neither," I sighed. "I've just got to do something productive. Sitting around here all day everyday isn't working too well. I need to do something to keep my mind occupied."

Doc stepped further into the room, shutting the door. He sat on the end of my bed, watching me closely. I stared back in confusion, eyebrows furrowing at his intense gaze. He was waiting for something, some kind of reaction that I wasn't giving him. He blinked slowly and looked down, sighing softly.

"Aisling, do you know what today is?"

"Monday?" I offered.

Doc smiled, but it was tight and fake. "Yes, it is Monday. Do you know what the significance of today is?"

I was grabbing at thin air here. I hadn't the slightest idea what to guess. "Uh, it's the day that I go back to work?"

"No."

I tried to laugh it off. "Well, I guess my answer can't be wrong. I mean, I AM going back to work."

"No, Aisling," Doc said seriously. "You aren't."

"Why not?"

"Aisling, today is the anniversary of Aibhilin's death."

As soon as those words came from Doc's mouth, I felt like I had been sacked by an American football player, hit like a ton of bricks, and run over by a semi-truck all at once. The feeling was almost indescribable. I hadn't even thought of her. Of course today was the anniversary. And of course I had been too caught up in my own life problems to give her a second thought.

"Just let me shower and get dressed." I uttered in a monotone voice.

Doc nodded, sliding off of the bed and walking out without another word. I heard his feet as he walked down the hall and into the kitchen. I was left alone. I ran a hand through my greasy hair. I sighed softly and stood from the bed, padding into the bathroom. Once inside, I stripped from my sweaty t-shirt and pajama bottoms, turning the faucet for the shower.

I stepped inside immediately. I didn't flinch as the jets of freezing water pelted my skin. I let the icy water cut through me with arms wide open. I showered, moving slowly and carelessly. I shut the faucet off and stepped out, shivering unconsciously as the cooler air met my skin. I wrapped my body in a towel, stepping out into my bedroom immediately.

I found a dark, long sleeved top to wear under my pristine white coat. I slid on my undergarments easily, wriggling into the pants and top a little less gracefully. I went back into the bathroom and brushed my hair and teeth, fighting through the knots and tangles with vigor.

I grabbed my mobile and wallet as I retreated to the living room, listening to Doc fiddle in the kitchen. Cabinet doors were squeaking as they opened and shut, the refrigerator slammed shut, and dishes rattled.