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Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
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You were my everything. I moved in with you. We were the cutest. You were there for me whenever I felt like crap. You were he light at the end of the dark path. I hated myself. I hated everything about myself. You changed that. Until you didn't.

I never saw it coming. I freaked out. I stopped eating. We moved to London for the radio show. It was one of the biggest risks we have ever taken. But i saw that light die out of my life. I pushed you away, i don't know why I did. Never mind, I do. I pushed you out because I was afraid. I was afraid of my YouTube career. We were being pressured to tell the truth to our subscribers. I didn't want to. I liked it being a secret. You didn't. You thought that it would be best, it would be a good step in our relationship. Except you know that. You know all this. After we broke up, I got depressed until finally you picked me back up again the next year.

Do you want to know something that I never told you? I wasn't depressed because of the break up. I caused the break up, I was the one that pushed you away, and I knew that. I was depressed because of something else. Nothing would be the same again. I missed the old times. When we were best friends. I missed being your best friend. Sure I was jealous when you started looking for dates, but more so, I was jealous because you found other friends. I was left alone, in the dark.

Do you understand? I hope you do.

It took me a while to realize that we were meant to be but I'm sorry. I really am. And now I will never get to tell you in person.

I love you Phil. I'm glad we didn't give up, that was my biggest success. After everything, you were the light in my life and I hope I am going to be able to cope without it.
>•<

That Good Night // phanWhere stories live. Discover now