That Good Night // phan

-10-

Do not go gentle into that good night. Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight

-

I want to buried with this ring. It hold so much meaning. Not just our love and commitment, but for everything that came afterwards.

The wedding day. That was something that I can never forget even if I lose my mind in the next few months, I know that I will never forget that monumental day.

It was a nice wedding. Not too big especially for a YouTube wedding. Only our closest friends were invited and our families. About 40 people had come. It was the best day of my life.

We had made it so far, and I was happy to be standing at the alter with you, nothing else mattered.

We shared our vows, we exchanged rings.

I couldn't be happier.

The wedding was great. But the part I remember most was what happened afterwards.

We were so happy and almost lost in our love when we finally got home after the long day. Boxes everywhere we had just moved into the new house. Our new home.

We sat outside on our balcony cuddled up against each other. We each at a cup of tea.

That was when our lives were changed forever.

I hit the upload button. And you hit yours. We had been working on these videos for the last few months. The thumbnails of both videos were black. Both titled, "This was the most fun I've ever had."

I hit play on my video.

There I was on the screen, explaining that it was over. This era of Daniel Howell on YouTube was over but something else even bigger was ending. You walked into the view of the camera. You explained that this was the end of the Dan and Phil Era.

We were quitting YouTube.

We had to move on.

We were adopting a daughter.

I remember editing a montage of all the years of us. I wanted to leave on a good note. But I wanted to end it how I started. We both went off camera. But I remembered that it wasn't like the start. I had someone else with me this time. So we popped into view and with a final salute, we said,

"Goodbye Internet."

-

Your video was pretty similar except we started with you on camera and we explained the situation again. At the end we wanted to end it how we started it, just like my video. You said bye to the camera and I simply said,

"This was the most fun I've ever had"

And you tackled me to the ground. Just like in the first PINOF.

I love you Phil. And when we quit I was scared that things would be different, we didn't have YouTube to connect us anymore. But it didn't matter. We had each other and we knew that none of what we had would change.

I'm so sorry. I hope I will get to see you again.