A Struggle With Love

What?

Jon wasn't awake yet and Russell was just staring into space thinking about what had happened. Wow but his thoughts were soon interrupted by a slightly rushed nurse.

"Er, there is a man here to see you, says you are friends of his?" She said, translating every word.

"Adam!" Russell exclaimed.

"Russell. They're still on about it. The fucking thing is all over the news."

"I know."

"But does Jon? I don't wanna do any more damage to your life."

"Aww Adam. Yeah he does know. Listen man, are you doing ok?"

"Russell this is the second time you've scared me shitless, please don't do anything like this again." Adam laughed.

"I will make no such promise."

"Not like you." 

"Listen, you keep apologising for the way you left things, but it was all my fault."

"The hell it was. There is no way on this earth or the next you can take the blame for what I did."

"Adam, you kissed a man because I got drunk and slept with one."

"Yeah but-"

"But what? I slept with another man."

"Russ?"

"Hm?"

"I miss what we had."

"Me too."

Adam walked over as Russell pushed himself out of the bed and onto his feet. He wasn't thinking straight as Adam got closer to him. Adam grabbed him by the waist and kissed him, Russell kissed back out of nerves. He moved back.

"How could I fuck it up again. Again! I'm such an idiot holy fuck."

When he turned around Adam was gone.

"Jon? Jon wake up."

"What?"

"I love you Jon but I've fucked up big time."

"What?" Jon was too tired to take anything in properly.

"Adam kissed me."

"What?"

"I'm sorry Jon I didn't mean to I ju-"

Before he could finished Jon had started hugging him.

"It's ok." he said smiling. "I mean, I'm not the biggest fan of this but it happens to the worst of us."

"Jon don't be like that."

"Why shouldn't I be?"

"Because you're amazing."

"Am I fuck?"

"Yes. You are, please believe me Jon." Russell was going to cry because of this, why and how the fuck could Jon think this of himself. Russell knew he fucked up but he didn't need Jon adding on to the pain.

"Russell, about last night."

"Yeah?"

"I didn't wanna mention it but there are cuts and scars all over you."

Shit. Russell forgot about those last night. 

"Oh."

Jon hugged him again as Russell's eyes filled up with tears.

He looked up for a moment and looked Russell in the eyes.

"You never went to therapy did you?"

Russell shook his head.

"Will you please go, for me?"

Russell shook his head again.

"Russell just talk to me. It's ok."

"I just want to die."

"why?"

"I have no idea." Russell sniffled.