A Struggle With Love

Why Am I Still Here?

There was a knock at the flat door and Jon rushed to it.
"Russell jumped." A neighbour said.
"I've told him countless times not to-"
"No he jumped off the window ledge." Another said, with a lump in her throat.
Jon was shaking now. Without putting away his rubber gloves he ran outside.
Almost immediately he was by Russell's side calling the ambulance.

The ambulance was there in no time at all.

The sound of sirens and whirring ambulances surrounded the hospital but Jon could hear nothing but his heartbeat while he was sat next to Russell.

"What, why am I alive?" Asked Russell, who seemed somewhat angry and confused.
"Oh my god, thank god." Beamed Jon. "Wait what?" His face sunk.
"Why am I alive, I jumped, I wanted it to be over."
Jon was crying and he couldn't see because his eyes were filled with tears.
"What's up? Russell seriously."
"I don't know!" He shouted, his eyebrows positioned to show his complete anger.
Jon grabbed Russell's hand as they were separated when the paramedics pulled Russell's stretcher out of the back.
They were running through the hospital straight to a room, not even having to sign anything. Jon chased after them but was forced to wait outside.

Russell was there for 7 hours and Jon was sat there for all of it. He didn't even eat. He couldn't. He was too busy thinking of what his feelings were for Russell. Jon was good with maths, he could definitely put two and two together, he was in love, nothing could make him feel this scared.

After what seemed like infinity Russell came out linked arm in arm with a nurse who lowered him onto the seat.
"This one yours?" She sighed.
"Yeah he is." Jon grinned, just glad he was still alive.
"Right so, he's a bit 'tipsy' but he'll be happier than ever. If you would, please pick up these antidepressants from the pharmacist." She grumbled and handed him a prescription.

Russell had nuzzled his head into Jon and had fallen asleep. Usually Jon would've pushed someone off him who made remote human contact with him. But not Russell. In fact he hugged him closer.

The nurse came back like she'd forgotten something.
"Oh yeah and that tipsy behaviour will only last 30 minutes so we suggest you stay in the hospital till then, he had to be knocked out you see." She left.

Russell was asleep so he waited until he woke to leave.
Once he had, he tapped Jon's shoulder.
"Yeah?"
"I have something to tell you." Russell stuttered.
"I know you jumped Rus-"
"No, it's not that."
"What is it then?"
"Um well.."
"Honestly, you can tell me. You trust me don't you?"
"Yes, of course I do."
"Go on then."
"Well Jon, I've been lying."
"What?"
"I'm well,"
"Spit it out please mate." Jon started to get worried again.
"I'm gay." Russell murmured and suddenly started to cry again, shaking.