A Struggle With Love

Finally.

Russell's eyes lit up as he saw Jon. He ran up and jumped on his back before crying.

"Adam is here too."

"Yeah, whats this piece of news you have?" Russell sniffled, wiping away his tears.

"Adam," explained  Jon "has a little crush on a certain someone he works with."

"Shut up Jon." Adam sneered.

"Which one?"

"None of 'em."

"Your face wouldn't be a fucking tomato if that was true."

"That is pretty much word for word what Jon said when I told him."

Jon laughed and Adam told Russell everything about Josh and how Alex and Josh kissed again.

Jon was so proud of Russell. I mean wouldn't you be? He had stayed in a mental hospital for ages and he took all the medication, did all the tests and now he was home free in a couple of weeks, they could finally get to Paris after a long wait. He tried to thank Russell on multiple occasions but his answer was always the same. "No, thank you."

The place wasn't particularly appealing, it had cracks in the walls stupid posters all over, trying to hide them. Nurses running around frantically and a shitty radio with a shitty signal. No wonder half of these people were still insane.

"Russ." Jon's smile was too bright for words.

"Yeah?"

Jon stammered for a few moments while Russell waited for an answer.

"Why do you risk so much for me?"

"Because I love you."

"But it scares me."

"Sometimes I get it into my head that you don't feel the same way."

"But I do." Jon was almost speechless.

"I'm sorry Jon."

"Listen, Russ, I don't want to be the reason you're-"

"I'm what?"

"Suicidal." Jon stopped as Russell's face went white. "I'm sorry I just- I don't want you gone."

Russell hugged him as Jon let tears flow down his face.  A buzzer went and Russell was escorted away by the nurses.

Adam crouched and grabbed Jon by his shoulders.

"You're gonna be alright." He assured him.

"But what about Russell? He wants to die and I have no power to stop him feeling that way."

"Yes you do."

"No I don't."

Jon slammed down on the pedal and went faster than a cannon ball as he sped down the lane to the hotel. He hated that hotel, the stupid staff, the lonely room, the lonely nights. 

A few hours later Jon was walking down next to the canal, kicking stones and just being sad in general. He saw couples walk past and he couldn't look at them without a huge wave of loneliness crashing into him. He found a clearing and sat down with his head in his arms. In the time he spent walking he had drunk 2 beers and had 4 more while he sat staring at the empty moving water. God, he missed Russell.