Double Lives

Grieving

Emptiness. That's all I've been feeling since Neal's death. I've been feeling empty and emotionless. I haven't gone to school in two weeks and today I have to go back if not I won't pass my classes. I get on the bus and the seat where Neal and I used to sit at was empty. I wanted to cry but I sucked it up and just sat down.

I put on my hood and laid back. We finally arrived to school and my did it seem different. I was alone. I didn't have my partner, my best friend. I make my way to my first class and I couldn't concentrate, and that didn't change much when I went to my second class. I got to my biology class and sighed when I saw my seat.

I put my hood on again and sat down. The teacher was going around asking everyone to turn in their reports from the findings of their projects. The teacher was walking around collecting them. The teacher gets to me and I sigh. "I'm sorry I sort of destroyed my project and of course didn't go to to fair which means I didn't do the report," I softly said.

"It's ok Emma." I nod. "I will gladly accept an F." "You have the highest grade in the class, I'm not going to give you an F, you're grieving and by me failing you well that won't help in anything now will it." I half smile and nod.

I looked around the classroom and I was so happy to see that Killian wasn't here, I was honestly so annoyed of him that if he had bugged me I would have gone off on him. I guess he had definitely left early for summer break, I mean I knew he was gone but yeah.. Man some people have all the luck. The bell rings and I'm off to lunch. I wasn't that hungry so I got a salad and made my way to my usual spot.

Of course when I got to my spot, there was no one there. I sighed and sat down. I felt horrible, gosh this horrible feeling wouldn't go away. The bell rang and I made my way to my ceramics class. All the teachers were being understanding of me and were letting me get by without doing anything. Class ends and I walk out the door and Neal isn't waiting for me.

This hurts, it hurts so much. I slowly make my way to my English class when I see someone shoving this kid around. I snap. "Hey leave him alone!" I scream out. He turns around and laughs. I make way up to them and help the kid off the floor. That's when the bell rings.

"Why are you picking on him?" He laughs. "Go away nerd, unless you want to suffer his same fate," he said as he shoved the kid. So much anger started to grow inside me that I punched the guy. He falls to the ground and is almost unconscious. "Unless you want the school to find out you got knocked out by a girl I suggest you to leave this kid alone." He nods and lays back down.

I smile and walked away. Man did that feel good. I didn't know I could punch like that, if I had the guts to do that when Neal was getting attack he might still be alive. I sighed and made my way to English. As the class was going by I get a brilliant idea. I know what I'm going to do over the summer.

Instead of spending time volunteering at the science center I will be doing something that will benefit others and I will keep the promise I made to Neal. I knew that as soon as I punched that guy something in me was born. I'm not the same Emma but rather a new Emma. And I know that over summer break I will become someone different, not weak but strong.

The bell rings and I make my way to the bus. Once I got home I went straight to my room which only made my aunt feel more and more concerned over my well being. I look around my room and I see pictures of Neal and I. I start to cut them and I just start to make a mess.

Today was extremely hard, I don't know why but I started to cry. Endless tears were coming out. That's when my aunt bursts through the door. "Emma," she softly says as she comes over to me and hugs me. I bury my face in her neck.

"I miss him so much, so damn much." She nods and caresses my head. "I know sweet heart, I know." I sigh. "Well there's only a couple of more days left of the school year, once that ends you can rest." I nod. "I bought some ice cream, your favorite." I smile. "I'll come bring you a bowl." I smile as she walked away.

My aunt so loving and caring. I love her so much, honestly she's amazing. But what worries me is that she might not be happy with what I'm thinking of doing. Over the summer, I'm going to change in a way that she won't like but it's for my own good and for the sake of others. It's the only way to get back for what Merlyn and those idiots did to my Neal.

They will pay, and I will be ready to kick their butts and make them suffer.