not afraid anymore | zerkaa ✔️

16 - Once Your Everything

Josh, you did something unforgivable. You made me feel like second best, you lied to me and cheated on me. I don't know or want to know where that night went with that slag. Whatever you did I hope you enjoyed every second of it. I hope you made her feel special and like the most beautiful and lucky woman in the world. That's what you used to do to me, and it's just a natural talent for you. You make people feel special, not just romantic partners, friends and family too. You really pay attention to them whilst you're with them and you genuinely show interest in what they're saying. But I never thought you were capable of this.
Sage has taken Stella back over to NYC for a bit whilst I sort myself out, I'm not mentally stable and I don't understand why you fucked me up so bad. It's so petty. I can't handle waking up in the morning, cold, without you by my side or a text off you saying you're off to bed which always made me roll my eyes and smile.
I'm back in that state again, the one I was in when I lost Ryan. I almost wish I never tried to move on and love again. It's hurting almost as much as it did before.
You know exactly how this feels and you did it to someone else. Are you completely heartless?
- you know who this is from

Kaya puts the pen down and accidentally signs the paper with a salty tear. She slips into Tobi's mailbox with a note on the front of the folding paper saying: hand this to Josh for me please, read it if you like.. I don't care anymore.

Kaya, I did something unforgivable and I'm sorry. I want you back more than anything. I've never actually cried myself to sleep before and it's hard to make myself believe that I was the one who lied to you, who cheated on you, who hurt you. And the harder thing is that it was with Freya, the one girl I said I never wanted to hear of again. I t was with her and I'm sorry. I know sorry means nothing but there really is nothing I can say.
I want to see you again, hear you beautiful American accent through my ears and look into your gorgeous eyes. I want to feel your soft, tanned skin. All these things I don't know if I'll ever get the chance to do. I want to cuddle up with you and Stella again and watch a kiddy film on Netflix and love it more than she does.
I never knew it could hurt to love like this, I've never felt anything like this in my life.
- someone that was once your everything

Josh sucks up the courage to go and place this in Kaya's mailbox, he goes and visit Tobi afterwards and he gives him a letter very similar to his own.