Dan Howell imagines

Thirteen reasons why (dan)

Requested: @DWhofannn

My ask ACC:  https://ask.fm/amazingphansonfire

POV: yours
🔥Warnings: spoilers, depression, mentions of rape, gore, suicide, and prrrettttyyy long

A/N: ⚠️attention!⚠️
If you're thinking about suicide, it's not worth it. I was and if my parents haven't of found out it would've been horrible.
NO ONE IS WORTH YOU TAKING YOUR LIFE OVER!!!!
Your life is wonderful and unique and talk to someone about your problems!! You'll feel 10x better and it will feel like bricks are lifted off your shoulders. There are suicide helplines and councilors. Talk to them and tell them what's going on. You can't get help if you don't tell them what's up <3 I stress this so much because I love every real member of the phandom and I want everyone to be safe and not feel the need to take their life. If there is one thing I have learned this year of being a teenager is that shits going to get rough but you've got a whole life ahead of you. Keep pushing forward and it will get better.
Message me for anything. I'll be very happy to help xx
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I walked in the doors of the school. It was depressing as always..

I first seen Bryce, Justin, Jach, and all the rest in a circle laughing and being the loudest in the hallway. But they don't care. They're popular.
Bryce gave me a perverted smile that made me uneasy. I shook it off and walked deeper into this death trap of a school.
   As I continued to walk I seen Tyler with his camera up to his face snatching pictures of random people till his camera came to focus on me. He brought his camera down from his face as watched me awkwardly as if we where the only people in the hall, but I paid no attention.
  I walked further down and met Courtney's eyes. She was hanging around girls probably just like her. She had bet books to her chest and back to the lockers. She gave me an awkward smile.
   Next came Alex, he was alone at his locker. He didn't really show any smile or any recension that I was walking down the hall behind him.
Next I seen Sherri. She was walking down the hall in the opposite direction as me. She gave me a sympathetic smile witch for some reason filled me with hurt and almost behind her was
Ryan.
He just looked away from me. He didn't care about the pain he put me through. It wasn't even that good.
As I reached the end of the hall I seen dan Howell. The one who hurt me the most.
He had a locker near mine and it hurt that I had to see him almost everyday. Well it everyday. Today was the last day. This was my last chance.
I opened my lockers and placed my books in them and grabbed the books I needed. I did this quickly because I wanted to visit mr.Porters office before class started.

I felt eyes on me, I would've looked over my shoulder but I already knew who it was. it was Dan who had his eyes on me looking at me pittyfuly.

I closed my locker and turned around not paying any attention to dan. God I wanted him to say my name. I needed him to say my name but he never did but I could feel his eyes burning in the back of my head.

I reach the office and turn to the councilors office. The councilor? Mr.porter.

I knocked in the door with the middle-knuckle of my index finder.
He looked up. He had on a purple tie and a purple sweater. Purple usually made me happy but this time... it was just depressing.

"Hey y/n" Mr.porter said with a unreadable expression on his face. I came here to talk, to talk about my story.

I took a set in one of the two chairs placed in front of his desk in his cramped office.
"Whats up?" He asked looking at me with a sympathetic look.
"I- I guess everything.." I said looking down twirling with my fingers.
"Oookay, Well, everything is a lot. So let's just start with what your thinking. Okay? Then we will go from there" he said leaning back in his chair.
I look around. "Lost.. empty. Like I don't even care anymore" I said thinking about how pathetic I might sound but I don't care anymore.
"Empty- okay. What do you not car about." He said trying to dig himself as deep into the problem as he can.
"School- work- my parents" I said looking down at my hands again.
"Your parents?-" he said furrowing his eyebrows together.
"I care... but I can't be who they... you know- need me to be" I said chipping my fingernail polish off one by one.
"Why would you say that?" He asks slowly trying to put the pieces together.
"What would they need you to be?" He asks digging a little deeper.
"...not a problem" I say sighing out.
"Well, What about your friends?" He asks.
"What friends?" I day going back to chipping my fingernails off.
"What about that Dan Howell boy? You two are friends.." he said trying to prove me wrong.
"No- no he hates me" I sigh out.
"He doesn't hate you- Well I don't know all that well  it he doesn't seem like the type to hate anyone." He says calmly.
Oh gosh, this was a mistake.
"It's like it dosnt even matter what you say-" I say.
"Well. When you leave this office how would you like things to be different for y/n" he said leaning on his desk with his fingers intertwined rolling his thumbs around.
"I-I'm not sure what I'm expecting-" I say rolling my eyes and putting an odd smile on my face.
"Well, Its sounds like you're not getting something you need, so let's start there"
He said looking at my face to find some sort of emotion.
Tears forming in my eyes.
"I need it to stop- people, life" I said letting the tears fall.
Mr.porter places a tissue box in front of me as I use a flimsy pice of white paper to dry up my sour tears.
"Life? That sounds like a pretty serious thing to say? What did you man by it" he said furrowing his eyebrows more but with more worry
"I- i didn't mean it like that I guess." I said cleaning my under eyes with the piece of tissue.