I had fucked up once again. Welcome to my life. I looked down and shook my head. Then I went downstairs and sat down at the dining table. My mom served me breakfast and gave me a concerned look.
"Did your friend beat you up? Is that why he left?"
I shook my head and played with my food.
"Is everything okay honey?" She sat down next to me and rubbed my arm lovingly.
I shook my head again.
"What's wrong?"
"I don't wanna talk about it..."
"Are you sure honey?"
I nodded and ate my cereal.
I didn't do much the rest of the day. I just waited for it to end, to be honest. I laid in bed all day and listened to my thoughts. Big mistake. All I heard was how worthless I was and that I couldn't get anything right. I sighed and closed my eyes. I had even closed the blinds since Chris' and mine windows were so close to each other.
Honestly, I was really scared of school the next day. I had to face my ex boyfriend and my ex friend. It's sad if you think about it. I had a friend for two minutes, then I fucked it up. I hated myself. I hated myself so much.
I sniffled and sat up. I went to the bathroom and looked through the cupboards fast. I needed something. Something to relieve my pain. All I wanted was to leave, to leave and to be happy.
I didn't find what I was looking for and thinking about it now, that was actually good. Who knows what I would've done if I had actually found my blades. I would have probably killed myself. I've tried before, but it never worked out. Yeah I know what you're thinking: he can't even do that right.
I shook my head and took a shower. I cleaned up the cuts on my face and went to bed. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
•••
I woke up the next day. I didn't sleep very well, woke up too many times. I got up and got ready for school. I didn't even bother with covering up my bruises and cuts.
I went to school listening to my favorite band, HIM. I loved music. It cheered me up and was always there for me. I smiled a bit. I heard HIM playing from Chris' room the other day. He was a lot like me, but I fucked it up, of course.
I sigh and walked inside my class room. I sat down in the back. Chris was already sitting there. He looked at me for a second and I looked at him with sad eyes.
He reached out to my face and rubbed my cheek. I looked down, feeling a blush creep onto my cheeks. I took my earbuds out and turned off my music.
We both were at school early, so we had time till the lesson started.
I looked up at him. "I'm sorry."
He frowned. "Why would you be sorry? I'm the one who left without another word. I'm sorry."
"But I made you uncomfortable."
"Wait, I thought I made you uncomfortable."
"I'm confused."
"You and I both." He chuckled.
I chuckled a bit and smiled.
"Can we be friends again?"
"Of course Ricky." He smiled.
I smiled happily. Something about Chris made me happy, I just wasn't quite sure about what it was yet. Chris and I talked for a little while longer about random things. And with random things I mean music. I was right, we did have a lot in common when it came to music.
In these moments I felt like nothing could ruin my good mood. Well, I was wrong. Because just as I was thinking that, my fucking ex walked in. I couldn't help myself but stare at his perfect features. I tried not to listen to my mind. Of course he didn't want me! I kept admiring his amazing figure and sighed softly. I was nothing compared to him. The girl he was making out with was a lot prettier than me, so it's understandable that he cheated. But it was just kissing, so it's not too bad right?
Maybe I could forgive him someday. We did have a lot of good memories after all. I sighed softly. He was so perfect...And I was so..not perfect. I just couldn't understand how someone so perfect could ever fall in love with me.
"Ricky? Ricky!" I saw a hand waving in front of my face. I looked up at Chris.
"Yeah?"
"Oh good, you're still here. You must've zoned out."
I nodded softly. There was an undertone in his voice, I just didn't quite get what it was. I watched him. Chris looked in Will's direction. You couldn't really see it if you weren't really paying attention, but there definitely was anger in his eyes. I didn't like being angry and starting fights, or just fights in general. But seeing Chris with anger in his eyes glaring at the boy who hurt me...I must admit, I kinda liked it. A lot.
