I looked up as Chris sat down in his usual spot next to me. I smiled politely and greeted him.
"Hey Chris."
He looked over at me, showing no expression.
"Hi."
I swallowed hard.
"How are you? I didn't hear from you all weekend."
He shrugged.
"I'm fine. Just didn't feel like talking."
I nodded a bit and went quiet. Sometimes you just know when you should stop talking. I was annoying him, the last thing I wanted to do. I did want to ask about his girlfriend, but I decided to stay quiet and act like I didn't exist. I was pretty good at that.
Chris didn't talk to me all day long and it made me very sad. I really thought that we were friends, but I had gotten my hopes up once again.
I walked home with my head down and listening to music.
All those beautiful people
I want to have them all
All those porcelaine models
If only I could make them fall
Yeah, if only I could make them fall. Especially Chris' girlfriend. She was one of those porcelaine models. I sighed and shook my head. What was I thinking? I was in a relationship. Besides that, Chris didn't like me anymore and I didn't know what I had done wrong.
I had this weird talent of pushing everyone away without me even noticing it. I was a fucking mess. I just sometimes didn't know what to do with myself.
I finally got home and went into my room. I kept listening to music, but through my stereo instead of my earbuds. I opened my window and sat down on the window sill. I lit myself a cigarette and inhaled deeply. It had been way too long since I had had the last one. I closed my eyes and blew out the smoke. Smoking felt so relieving, so calming.
As I opened my eyes my gaze automatically wandered over to Chris window, which was just metres away from mine. I could exactly see what he was doing and I didn't like it.
He had his girlfriend with him and she was practically eating his face. I watched them for a while. I didn't know why, but I had nothing to do and just kept smoking one cigarette after the other.
I got up and closed my curtains when she started sucking him off. I just didn't want to witness that, even though I was curious about the size of hi- Ricky. No.
I sighed and decided to take a shower. I stripped and went into the bathroom connected to my room and got in the shower.
The hot water burned my skin but in that moment I couldn't care less.
I had to figure out my feelings. I didn't know what I was feeling for Chris exactly, but I did know that I had a fucking boyfriend and I loved him. Or didn't I? Was I just in love with the fact that I had a boyfriend or was I in love with Will?
I was so confused. Another talent of mine: confusing myself.
After about twenty minutes I got out of the shower and dried myself off. I got dressed in my pajamas and went out to my room.
I decided to smoke another cigarette and opened my curtains again.
Damn, she was still at it. To my own amusement, Chris didn't seem very happy.
I grinned slightly and lit my cigarette. The fact that this bitch was bad at pleasuring Chris brightened up my day.
I sighed as I blew out my smoke and massaged my temples. Ricky, what are you thinking? She was probably really nice, just as Chris and I was judging her over a simple action that should be normal in a relationship. I guess. Something in me just didn't want to like her while the other part of me didn't want to judge her based on a bad blowjob.
This was one of those moments when I think to myself: Ricky, what the fucking hell are you thinking about?
My usual answer: I have no idea.
I decided that sleeping was the best option right now. Just as I was closing my window I saw Chris look over at me, blushing deeply.
Yeah, I saw you. I shook my head and put on some music to fall asleep to and lay down.
I was exhausted and therefore I fell asleep quickly.
