The next day I felt a bit better. I even ate a piece of bread for breakfast.
I ran straight into Chris when I walked out of the house and he was still with his girlfriend. I needed all the self control I had not to gag.
Every five metres they stopped to eat each other's faces and it didn't help my urge to vomit one bit.
I shook my head and looked down at my feet for the rest of the way to school and made the music I was listening to louder.
I wanna taste you, but your lips are venomous poison
I sighed. At least it was a macabre love song.
School went by pretty quickly and was like the day before: fucking sad. After school I went over to Will's place to hang out.
We were both laying on his bed, my head on his chest while he played with my hair absentmindedly.
"Wanna watch a movie babe?" He asked.
I nodded. "Can we watch a Tim Burton movie?"
He groaned. "Why do you always wanna watch those fucking creepy kids movies?"
I shrugged and looked down, now feeling bad about myself.
"It was just a suggestion, sorry. We can also watch one of your action movies."
He nodded. "Good boy."
I hated it when he said that. I always felt like a fucking dog when he called me a good boy.
He put on one of his movies and laid back.
We didn't watch a lot of the movie since Will soon started making out with me. Don't get me wrong, I liked it, but something was off. I just didn't dare to tell him that and to stop.
He soon was on top of me, my legs wrapped around his waist. He kissed and sucked on my neck and I let a soft moan slip.
Before it all got too heated I pulled away. "Will, stop...I'm not ready yet."
He groaned and sat up. "You're never ready!"
I looked down. "I'm sorry..."
"Fucking useless piece of shit." He slapped me and got up. "Go home."
I held my cheek and got up fast, then ran out, trying to hold back my tears. He had done it again. He slapped me and he insulted me.
I sniffled and cried as I ran home and went straight to my room, only to cry even more.
Why? Why me?
I curled up on the floor after I had locked the door and I hugged my knees to my chest. I was weak, I was a fucking wuss. I sniffled and wiped my eyes. Why was I crying like a baby? Maybe it's just normal to get hit and beat up by the dominant one in a relationship when you did something to annoy them. Yeah, that must be it. He loved me, but he sometimes had to show me how things work.
It's really bad when you wanna escape from reality with thoughts like that, isn't it?
I sighed and looked down. I didn't understand the world anymore. What was I supposed to do now? Break up with him and be alone forever? Noone would love such a useless piece of shit like me.
I was sad. I was truly sad.
It was a sleepless night. My thoughts kept me awake and darkness consumed me. I put on music to distract myself, but it didn't work that well. I got up a few times to smoke a cigarette.
After a while I decided to go outside. I got dressed and left the house quietly. The fresh air was nice. The night sky was beautiful and it was quiet. Just how I liked it.
I went to the local cemetery and stayed there for a bit.
I liked cemeteries at night. They're not creepy at all. They were beautiful and quiet. I sometimes liked to go there with my sketch book and drew some headstones since they all were very pretty and old.
I pulled out my pack of cigarettes and sighed when I realized that I had smoked them all. I coughed a bit and threw the empty pack away. I leaned back against a wall and closed my eyes. Then suddenly I heard a familiar voice.
"Ricky? What are you doing here?"
