I stared at them with tears streaming down my face. I couldn't move. I was paralyzed. I could feel pain in my chest. He was cheating on me. He didn't even notice me standing there and kept making out with this girl carelessly. I ran to the bathroom and slid down against the wall. I let everything out and cried harder. This is what happens when you trust someone. I never thought he'd do something like this. Maybe he was cheating on me the whole time? I now realized how much he actually meant to me. I mean, I knew I loved him very much, but seeing my beloved boyfriend love someone else broke me.
I hugged my knees to my chest and buried my face in my knees. I should have known this was going to happen. I'm worthless, the goth fag and god knows what else he thought of me.
There were footsteps coming closer and I looked up. My vision was blurry because of all the tears and I wiped my eyes to be able to see clearly. Chris was standing in front of me with a worried face expression.
"Y-you okay?" He asked softly and kneeled down in front of me. I didn't answer. "You're clearly not, why did I even ask..." He sighed. "Do you want me to take you home?"
Home actually sounded good right now. I nodded and he helped me up. I stumbled a bit, I felt a little bit dizzy. Chris noticed and picked me up bridal style and left the bathroom. I blushed a bit as the other students stared and pointed, but I was glad that he carried me.
After a little while we arrived at my house and he set me down.
"Thank you Chris." I mumbled and sniffled. He nodded and left. I watched him leave, then walked inside, straight up to my room. I fell onto my bed and curled up into a ball as the tears overcame me once again. I eventually fell asleep.
I woke up later that day, it was already dawning. I stared up at the ceiling, remembering what had happened today. My boyfriend was cheating on me. I let that sink in. My boyfriend was cheating on me. Tears started spilling again. I didn't want to believe it, I couldn't. It hurt so much. I couldn't take this pain in my chest. I grabbed my smokes and lighter, then stood up, opened the window and lit a fag. I couldn't stop thinking about Will. He was probably cheating the whole time. I sighed. You should have known, Ricky. He's never even liked my appereance. I noticed that I had started to cry again. Fuck, I really loved him. More than I ever thought I would. Maybe I should just forgive him and forget it. As long as he would reassure me that this would never happen again I would be fine, right? Maybe it even was a one time thing and he regretted it. Then he would come to me and apologize and I could forgive him. I sighed again. Something was telling me that it would never happen. My head was making up and imagination to make me feel better. I was in fact just feeling sorry for myself.
As I lit my second cigarette I noticed that Chris was standing at the window in his room as well. I gave him a weak smile and waved. "Hey Chris."
He didn't even respond, he just closed the window and sat down at his desk. I didn't like it, but I had to agree with the others at my school: Chris was a weird kid. I didn't know if it was in a bad way or not, but he was kind of mystic and I liked that.
After I had crushed my second cigarette I closed the window and went to the bathroom. I looked into the mirror and sighed again. My makeup was smeared and when I say smeared I really mean smeared. It was all over my face. Of course Chris didn't talk to me, he probably thought I was Satan or something. I took my makeup off and stripped down. I was stepping in the shower as I saw something in the corner of my eye. It was my blades I usually used for my razor to shave my face. I selfharmed before Will and I had gotten together. I had noone now, so why not? Not like he would care or miss me if I died. I took a blade and stepped into the shower, then turned on the hot water. I slid down to the floor and looked at the blade. Should I? Or not? Then the picture of Will kissing that girl went through my head again. I sniffled and pressed the blade onto my skin and dragged it across my wrist. More tears found their way out of my eyes as I watched the blood pour out.
A lot of cuts and tears later I got out of the shower and dried off. I regretted cutting myself, but also didn't. I got ready for bed and laid down. Maybe sleeping would make the rest of this terrible pain go away. The blade did it's job, but I still couldn't get this image out of my head. I sighed. Why did all the bad things have to happen to me? I didn't understand.
I was laying there, drowning in self pity until I fell into a peaceful sleep.
