The Next Cinderella

Chapter 2--World's Most Embarrassing Royals

As darkness fell on the impoverished village, the last of the sporadic lanterns went out, and the peasants succumbed to sleep from the lull of low blood sugar.

Far from the village and high upon a hill, the royal palace was succumbing to something else: Saturday night fever.

The sounds of a party floated out into the night, as a gilded carriage rolled up to the castle's looming gate. The carriage was blue and gold and utterly pristine, but whoever was inside was a mystery...

***

Inside the castle's thick stone walls, candles cast a glow on an empty dining hall ravaged by an all-out binge-fest. The party must've started off here with a bang, as the long wooden table was a chaos of half-eaten turkey legs, heaps of potatoes, and decadent desserts.

But where was the royal family now?

Perhaps they'd moved on to the vomitorium, for the communal post-meal purge that was typical of the times. With the faint sound of music emanating from the hallway however...it seemed that something vastly different was afoot.

The answer could be found in one of the castle's many sitting rooms, where plush benches and stuffy armchairs seated three rows of loyal subjects. They surrounded the overweight and sweaty King Gastronso, who was currently happier than a pig in mud as he belted out a favorite tune: "Do you really want to hurt me, do you really want to make me cry?"

It wasn't just a song but the origin of karaoke, long before the age of digital lyrics on a screen. The current technology only allowed for an orchestra and lyrics on a scroll, a scroll that was held by Fredrick, the first servant of the king's court. With gentle eyes and an endearing shag of sandy hair, Fredrick often wondered how he'd ended up here, in his mid-twenties, holding a scroll for the king as his intelligence rotted away.

At the age of sixteen he'd been eager to join the king's court, to help out his family of farmers by earning some extra coin. It had seemed like a noble endeavor, but over the years his job description had devolved into mindless tasks, like clipping the king's toenails once his growing sack of belly fat precluded him from seeing his feet. He longed for a change, but with the crops dying and the kingdom swimming in debt, his family needed his coin contribution more than ever.

So here was Fredrick, pledging his allegiance to dying from within as the king's boisterous serenade continued.

Suddenly the king stopped singing.

He glared at Fredrick. "The next scroll!"

Fredrick jumped to attention and flipped the page. It was the first time he'd ever missed a cue, and even if he lacked any passion for his role, he needed to pay attention before a younger nubile servant replaced him.

"Here we are your majesty," he said, holding out the newest scroll with pride.

The king now seemed sleepy. Or hungry. Or in need of a toilet. Much like a drooling baby his signals were inconclusive. "Never mind, " the king muttered, waving away the scroll. "It was only the final chorus." Suddenly his eyes lit up. "Did my performance please you, my queen?"

He was speaking to Queen Enevere, who sat front and center in cascading golden robes. Her posture was eerily perfect and her stare ice-cold, and if a basket of kittens randomly turned up dead we would likely know why.

"The performance was thrilling dear," she affirmed.

The king waddled over to a bench stacked with scrolls. "Shall we treat our royal court to a duet?" He rummaged through the scrolls like a careless child, creating a mess that Fredrick would surely have to deal with. "If I could just find the song; it's something about...in the moonlight...I would do you right..."