Ecstasy

Chapter 61

Calla:

  "I love you Calla. Only you."

I took a steadying breath. The city lights were pretty from this view. But I couldn't see them. My vision was blurry with salt water. I swallowed. All I could hear was the muted music from the bar and sounds of far off traffic. The air was still, the space silent.

I wanted to say it back. I didn't know how.

"Calla?" His voice broke the silence.

I always hoped I was good for him. That I helped him stay clean. Now he was telling me that I did. Now he was telling me that he loved me.

He spoke again. "I'm sorry. I never planned for this to happen."

I squeezed my eyes shut. Squeezing out the tears. I felt one slip from my cheek and over the balcony, plummeting to the ground.

I sniffed. "I believe you." I did.

I felt his warmth behind me. "You do?"

I turned and he was there, inches away. "Yes."

I looked up at his eyes. Still as blue and clear as those midday skies, as deep as the deepest spot of the Pacific Ocean, and as bright as those Southern Lights. As beautiful as in my dreams.

"Don't go." He whispered. "Don't leave."

He lifted his hand. He hesitated and I realised how much I longed for his touch. He brushed a strand of hair away from my face.

"It's too late."

The weight of that sentence meant more than moving towns. He knew it too. He stepped forward so he was closer. Both of his hands cupped my jaw, his thumbs swept over my cheeks.

He leant forward and I thought he was going to kiss me, but he pressed his forehead against mine. "But I love you."

I closed my eyes. My chest felt heavy, and every breath was harder to take. "I know." I breathed. My tears had stopped. My voice was steadier. "I love you too."

He pulled back and I looked up at him. His eyes were wet. I knew they were words he had never heard before. Not from Lilly anyway. He was more vulnerable than I could have ever guessed.

"I'm so sorry Calla. For everything. I'm so sorry." He blinked. His dark eyelashes were wet.

I reached up and stroked his cheek with my fingers. "I forgive you." I meant it.

He didn't seem to relax at the words in relief. His shoulders were still stiff and his muscles still coiled. He was thinking what I was thinking. It was too late.

I pulled him closer and I felt his arms encircle me and I just wanted to stay like this forever. I pushed my face into his chest and inhaled. I felt his lips on the top of my head and I sighed.

"I'm sorry about your mum and dad." He mumbled into my hair.

"Me too."

We didn't move. I didn't want to release him. His arms stayed curled around my shoulders.

"Are you okay?"

I knew he was asking about the divorce. "Yeah. I think so."

I felt tears welling up again.

"When are you moving?"

I blinked them away.

"Tomorrow night." I paused and pulled back from his embrace. I turned towards the glittering lights and the city view again.

He stepped up to the railing beside me and leant his forearms on it. He stared at something in the distance. His jaw clenched, face now emotionless. "Will I see you tomorrow?"

I frowned. "I'll be packing."

He nodded. "So this is good bye?" He looked at me.

I felt my heart sinking. "Sounds like it."

He smiled sadly and we turned towards each other. "I'll miss you."

We looked at each other and I reached for him at the same time he leant down to me. Our lips crashed and we were kissing. Suddenly the last week was forgotten and it was just me and him on the balcony. No bad memories, no broken promises. Just me and him and the painful knowledge I was leaving tomorrow.

We broke apart, but our foreheads stayed touching.

"We'll see each other soon enough." I whispered.

He smiled. "I'm sure."

I pulled him close for another hug and a tear squeezed its way past my closed eyelids. I sniffed and tried to hold back more, because I knew that would be the last time we would kiss.

***

"Good morning Sunshine," Mitchie sang. Her loud voice jolted me awake. The bright light of the early morning sun was struggling its way through my closed eyelids.

I turned over in bed and pulled the covers over my head and groaned. "Ugh, I feel sick."

Mitchie laughed. "I'm sure you do. There's bacon and eggs downstairs, you should go and eat. Greasy foods always soak up the night before," she giggled.

I felt like my stomach was doing back flips and there was a lump in my throat. My nose suddenly registered what the room smelled like. Bacon. I felt bile in my throat. I groaned again.

"Come on! Wake up. I'm meant to help you pack today."

"Pack?" I tried to think a coherent thought. I was struggling.

"Yeah. Didn't you say your mum wanted to try to get out tonight? Instead of wasting another day in this godforsaken town?"

My brain did a back flip. Moving houses, divorce, going away party. Of course. The lovely dream I was having was just a memory. It was not the morning after Sam's birthday party. It was the morning before we drove out of this small town for good. Or at least until things were sorted with Dad.

She kicked the bed. I peeled down the covers to spy over at her. Mitchie was dressed in some old jeans and a t-shirt. Her short hair was mid-sectioned into a top knot. A drastic change from her glamorous outfit she was wearing last night.

She looked at me with a touch of sympathy. I wasn't fond of that look.

"How did your little chat with Tyson go?"

I frowned and pulled the sheets up over my head again.

She groaned and kicked the bed for the second time. "Please tell me. I couldn't get a word out of you last night."

I sighed. I can't remember why, it wasn't like our 'little chat' went badly.

"He told me that he loved me."

I heard her sharp intake of breath. I twisted the corner of the bed sheet in my hands. "We're fine," I said rather honestly. "We agreed on a truce."

I only heard her silence so I went on to explain.

"I forgave him. But he hurt me. And nothing can change that." I pushed the covers back and sat up in bed. My voice continued rather matter of fact like, "I'm leaving town and I don't know when I'll be getting back. We said our goodbyes."

Her eyes were doing that pity, sympathy look again. "Oh Calla."

I sighed. The sooner I get out of here the better.