Living Like This

Eighteen

Dean stared at Cas.

"Look, I don't want you to be uncomfortable or anything. I shouldn't have said anything, let's just forget it," he said suddenly.

"Thank you. I'm sorry, I just..." Cas trailed off.

"You're in love with Aaron. I understand," Dean said.

"Thank you. I have to admit, I was shocked when you said it. No one's ever told me that before," Cas said, smiling. Dean stared at him.

"You were with Aaron for seven years and he never told you he loved you?" He asked incredulously.

"I knew," Cas defended himself.

"But... you deserve to be told that you're loved, okay? Everyone deserves to be told," Dean said. Cas smiled slightly.

"Thanks. And thank you for understanding," he said. Dean nodded. "I think I'm going to rest. I... have a lot to think about," Cas said, standing up.

"Okay. Let me know if you need anything," Dean said. Cas nodded and headed to his room, where he collapsed on the bed and began to cry again, albeit not as fiercely as before. What was he doing?

***

The retrieval of Cas' things the next day went surprisingly smoothly, with no encounter with Aaron. Cas almost broke down again at their apartment, but he managed to keep it together until they got back to Dean's place.

Cas was a wreck that day. He broke down every few hours almost like clockwork when he realized all over again what he'd done. The last time, Dean finally calmed him down after several minutes and they ended up sitting on the couch together, Cas reading a book and Dean watching a tv show. Cas liked this a lot, it was really peaceful.

Cas' phone began to ring and he answered it automatically.

"Hello?"

"Cas. Are you okay?" Cas stiffened, suddenly unable to breathe.

"Aaron?" He whispered. Dean's head snapped around and he made a grab for the phone. Cas flinched away from him at the action, fear building in his chest, and Dean stopped, a sudden flicker of fear in his own eyes.

"Castiel, I don't have time for games. Why didn't you call me when you were released from the hospital? You were just gone, I was terrified," Aaron said.

"I- I- I went h-h-home with D-D-Dean," Cas said quietly.

"You did what?" Cas shrank away from the sudden quiet rage in Aaron's voice. He could barely breathe. Dean watched Cas like a hawk, probably trying to hear both sides of the conversation.

"I'm s-s-s-sorry Aaron. I l-l-love you," Cas said.

"Castiel, come back," Aaron said.

"Aaron I'm s-sorry," Cas repeated.

"Castiel, I swear to god if you don't-"

"Hang up," Dean suddenly said.

"What?" Cas asked.

"Just hang up. Please Cas," Dean said.

"Castiel, come home right-" Cas hung up. Dean took the phone gently from Cas' limp fingers and set it on the coffee table.

"Dean..." Cas said softly.

"I know, Cas. I'm sorry," Dean said, wrapping Cas in a hug. "I'm so sorry Cas." Cas rested his head on Dean's shoulder and stared at the wall, too shocked to cry. There was no taking it back now.