Living Like This

Twenty-Two

When Cas walked into the kitchen the next day, Dean didn't say anything, he just stood there, making eggs.

"Are you okay?" Cas asked quietly, afraid, even though he didn't know what he was afraid of.

"I'm fine," Dean said gruffly, without turning around

"I'm sorry," Cas continued, watching the back of Dean's head anxiously. Dean stilled.

"You're perfectly entitled not to kiss me, Cas. I understand," he said. Cas reached out and touched Dean's arm. Dean stiffened slightly and Cas drew back.

"I... I don't want things to be weird between us," Cas said. Dean finally turned around and Cas took a step back. It looked like Dean hadn't slept all night.

"I'll be fine Cas. I'm sorry I made you feel bad," he said.

"Let's go out tonight. We could... we could go to a bar or something," Cas suggested. Dean cracked a small smile.

"A bar really isn't your scene. But sure, let's go out and do something tonight," Dean said. Cas smiled and sat down at the table, glad he was going to be able to fix things with Dean. Cas didn't know what he'd do without Dean.

***

Cas spent most of the rest of the day reading and thinking. He thought about Aaron, he thought about Dean, he thought about his family. He thought until it seemed like there was nothing else to think about.

Cas knew he'd already broken all connection with Aaron beyond repair by leaving, but having a relationship with Dean... he still couldn't help but feel like he was betraying Aaron. He had never loved anyone like he'd loved Aaron, but... Aaron never remembered that Cas liked space. Dean seemed to care about Cas in a way Aaron never had. Dean was so kind, and he always asked for Cas' opinion. Cas was so confused, and he didn't know what to do. He had left Aaron, but it still seemed like Aaron would never let Cas have peace.