Awakening

Forget

2016
Tonight, I had a mental breakdown. I went outside in the dark once more, when down a hill, and sat at the bottom to look out over the town. A cross on a hill behind the town lights up every night at 7:30. And of course, I prayed for a sign. I also prayed to get a sign that 'god', or anybody, was actually listening. A family was probably playing with a laser and was shining it up on the hill. I saw that, and asked to see it again. I said, "If anybody is there, let me see the light again." A few seconds passed and it lit up again. I kept asking to see it and each time, it was appear. But this wasn't enough for me. So, I asked them to turn the cross on the hill off. I slowed my words and got more angry as the light didn't turn off. I sat there screaming for it to turn off for the next 10 minutes. But it never did. And I know, asking 'god' or anybody of that religion to turn off a cross is insane, but I needed to know if someone was there. I stopped going out there for a while, doubting everything. Still got no sign, in fact, I got nothing at all. Not even a single glance. My best friend ignores me and hangs out with a girl named Michaela. That girl fakes pregnancy, smokes and does other drugs on campus, brags about having sex all the time, and is just a stupid bitch. And she's taking my best friends away from me. The person I've known and loved for years, who I had an amazing past, and a hopeful future with. I have nobody... Well, I have Hannah and Saige. Hannah is probably the closest person to my best friend. But I thought for a while, nobody can replace Bella. Nobody. Hannah is an energetic person with mood swings and a funny personality. Saige is a funny but chill individual, and they're currently my everything, besides you, and softball. :) but right now, I feel like my world is falling apart. So, I'm going to try to forget him. Yes, that was very blunt, but I need to try. I know for a fact that it didn't work when I tried for a total of two years, but you have to begin somewhere right? Today is that day, that day that I put all of our beautiful  memories and amazing moments to a place where I will never look back on them. Today is the day that I forget about you. Because I hate being the person that always thinks about you, but knowing that I probably never cross your mind.