Awakening

Just to Laugh

2012
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. But it's ok, because I'm coming back for the fourth grade! We drive for days until we finally reach our destination. Stay at the same place, and then I go to school. This year, I've grown too much to wear my sparkle dress. But I do wear something stunning. What can I say, I'm unique. I talk to Bella for a while, then, I see you. As the year before, you don't seem to notice me. But it's ok.... It's ok... It's just fine... It's ok... who am I kidding. It hurts. A lot. But I WILL NOT fall for you. You're only my friend. I need to focus on my education first, that's what my dad says. But I don't like math, but math isn't that important I wouldn't think. It's only some numbers, I don't need numbers. Only need those in my bank account. Which I'll have when I'm older :). My parents leave and another year begins. Your friends tell me that you like me, but not as a friend. Something more, I am very happy by this. This is the start of F-E-E-L-I-N-G-S. This was when I knew I liked you back. I don't think I 'love you', as people say in the movies, but I may be close. You asked me to narrate a book you wrote today. I was more than willing. I couldn't read your handwriting and ever so often had to ask what you put. But I enjoyed every moment helping you. I saw your asking as a sign of trust. And my reply as respect. Days go by, my 'feelings' are becoming overwhelming and my thoughts have come repetitive. You're on my mind constantly. Bella says that I 'love' you. I'm sure that I don't. Not yet at least. I have plenty of time to decide if that's true or not. A part of me wants it to be true, and another doesn't. I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to be walking with you, smoothly, calmly, watching the rivers pass and the flowers grow, only for you to make me fall. Laugh, and walk away. Leaving me there to hurt. To not get back up, and to know that all you did was laugh, and carry on with your life. I don't want that. And yet, I'm still wanting to risk it all. Months go by. I've stayed for the longest I ever have. November arrives and it's almost my birthday. I invite the whole school. On the day of my party, everybody I invited came. The bus was filled on the way to the community center, where I would have my roller skating party. I wore a long red dress, and I skated for hours. I was having fun until I saw you sitting at a bench, crying. I came over to you and asked if you were ok, you wiped your tears and looked at me. You said that you were fine. This was the beginning of me noticing that people are not fine after a long cry, in fact they are hurting. Physically and or mentally. Months pass and I must leave again. This time, I leave on a Saturday. Not telling anyone where I am going. I don't know why I did this, but I know you'll be sad to sit down at your desk, and not see me there...