"Sorry for being so fucked up. Sorry for being such a failure. Sorry for being a disgrace. Sorry for being me. - Unknown "
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2016
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"...You're too comfortable, and you don't appreciate what you have!"
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"...You're the reason my daughter is stuck in this hospital, in a coma! You're the reason why my grandchild is dead! You killed her!"
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"Meek, i'm your mother and you're my son. I am always on your side, and i'll always be, but this time i'm afraid i'm not. You continuously hurt that girl! You hurt her over and over again, and she keeps forgiving you, just for you to do the same shit! Do you not see that you're causing this girl pain?! You don't hurt the people you love, Robert!
I'm not saying that the accident is your fault. I'm not saying that any of this is your fault, because it was that drunk bastards fault, but your infidelity and addiction played a big part in this also. And yes! i said addiction! Your infidelity and addiction lead to your daughter, my grand-baby's death. Your infidelity and addiction lead to your wife, someone's daughter, sister, the mother of your children, to be in a coma. Meek you are a grown ass man! when will you learn? Meek, I love you with all my heart, son... but you do not deserve Onika."
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Thinking back on the different times times iv'e been scolded like a child for all my wrong doings, lead me to cry like one. Sitting in the hospitals waiting area, with my head placed in the palm of my hands, I sighed releasing a strong breath of air, as tears escaped my eyes. I was the only person left in the waiting area, relating to Nicki. Everyone else left after they had the opportunity to see and speak with her. Or should I say "to her"?
I was informed earlier that Nicki hasn't communicated with anyone since she woke from the coma. She's not able to respond to anyone verbally even if she wanted to. She was just mute.
She doesn't have any loss of memory, she remembers everything that has happened, up until the car crash. Her not being able to respond is the only Serious problem she has right now.
I know she must be a bit confused, and have many questions she'd like to ask, but her not being able to speak just might be something positive for me at the moment.
Not to be selfish, but her not being able to respond to me just prolongs the situation a bit more, and gives me more time to come up with a great way to explain everything to her.
I don't think that i'm mentally ready to explain any of this to her at this point in time, I don't think that i'll ever be ready. I'll have to prepare myself for the blames that will be thrown at me and all the faults that i'll have to take responsibility for. I have to prepare myself for all the tears that will be shed because of me, and even the screams that will be bellowed. But time waits on no one and it's something that has to be done.
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After having an internal battle with myself on, whether or not I should visit my wife now or the next day, I rose from my seat. Wiping the tears that fell from my eyes, I used the material of the, extra large t-shirt I was wearing to dry my face.
