Quietly Noticed || Lams

Reassurance

Laurens|First Person

The next morning I feel as though I'm going to vomit. I wake with a sudden jolt and stumble to the bathroom a little ways down the hall. I kneel before my toilet and dry heave for a couple minutes before calming down and leaning back against my bathtub. I'm guessing it's only about seven in the morning as I glance out the bathroom into the hall. Light from the windows in the living room bounce off the wall and illuminate the cold bathroom tiles. I press my palms to them now, sighing as I try to gather myself.

I could call in sick. I could lie in bed all day and worry myself until I really am sick. Why did I kiss him? Why? He didn't even react- well I mean he tried to say something but I ran away before I could hear him out. I think he kissed back. Did he kiss back? I wipe my forehead off and squeeze my eyes shut. I think he smiled at least- I think. The whole night suddenly seems very fuzzy and I start to question if it even happened.

I open my eyes. It did happen. I tell myself. I stand and yank off the T-shirt and boxers I slept in and turn on the cold water for a shower. I let it pour over my head as I close my eyes and try to relax.

If he doesn't feel the same way I'm sure it will work itself out. I mean, we only really have two friends in common so how bad can it be? I scrub myself down as I feel my stomach settle and heartrate go steady. I turn off the water and get out of the tub. I attempt to dry my hair with a towel, but I know I'll just let it air dry so I just wrap it around my waist and go to my bedroom to get dressed.

I settle on a button up and slacks, putting on a belt for good measure. My hair seems to be dry-ish by now so I just tie it back to keep it out of my face. I find my mind wandering to Alexander though as I make my breakfast. I try my hardest to ignore my thoughts of how his lips felt against mine. Or the way he seemed to lean into the kiss... maybe he did kiss back. Maybe he wanted to kiss me as bad as I wanted to kiss him- as bad as I still do.

With this thought in mind my stomach twists again, but this time with excitement. I'm going to see him in about half an hour. He's going to sit in my classroom. I wonder if he'll come up to me after class, or if I'll have to call him over again. I find the image of his face after we kissed pop into my head. I feel warm all over and all I want to do is kiss him again, to hug him tight, and to curl back up on my couch to watch cartoons again.

I find myself leaving five minutes before I usually do, my leg bouncing as I drive. I honk at slow cars because they're all standing in the way of Alexander. I irritably ride the tail of some station wagon all the way to campus. When they finally park I want to get out and curse at them, but stop in my tracks when a see a girl with long curly brown hair. She purses her red lips at the street before wandering off towards a class I assume. She only looks about twenty. I watch her strut away for a moment, then I hop out my car and head to my class. I arrive three minutes before the class starts, but most of the students are already there. Alexander's seat stays empty.

I feel a little disappointed, but unload my briefcase nonetheless. I sit in my chair and boot up my computer just as the bell rings and I don't even have to say anything before the whole class is quiet and in their seats. I start to stand to address the class, but just as I open my mouth Alexander comes through the door and trys his best to be quiet as he takes his place. He keeps his gaze down, his face a little pink.

I continue my class, trying to keep my eyes off of him. I know as soon as I look at him I'll lose my cool. I just talk to the front row and mindlessly click through my slides. About ten minutes left of class and I finally give in. I look right at him. He's already staring.

There's a slight smile on his face that grows when we make eye contact and I'm instantly trying to wipe the smile off my face. He gives me a look, he knows that I'm stumbling over my words now because of him. I glance at my computer seeing that my lecture is pretty much done with besides class discussion. I usually wouldn't do this, but the words are already forming as I clear my throat.

"We will have a class discussion tomorrow. For now you can do whatever until the hour is up." The class erupts into noise and kids put in their ear buds and take it upon themselves to distract from Alex coming up to my desk with a grin that widens by the second. He pauses before me, twiddling his fingers, looking nervous.

"Hey," he says quietly. I smile, putting my palms flat on the desk as we stare each other, some sort of unspoken agreement to wait until everyone leaves to really talk being shared through our eye contact.

"Hi." I say as the bell rings. He glances behind us and waits until the last student leaves before turning back to me. By then, I'm standing. "I, uh- we should talk." He nods, though he smiles still so I assume this will go well.

"Yeah." He says, leaning towards me a little. I feel my chest leap and I wonder if this is how he felt last night. I wonder if he remembers the kiss like I do. It wasn't very long, and I had to stop myself before I did anything more. With this in mind, I close the gap between us and kiss him, lingering and fully this time.

He kisses back this time, I'm sure of it. I smile against his lips when it's over, he hovers his mouth there for a few moments, and I'm grateful he doesn't break the contact immediately. His hand covers mine for a second and my other hand lands on his arm. My fingers skim up and down lightly and he shivers slightly.

"Do you, uh, want to come over to my apartment later?" I ask, since I don't really want this to be the last time I see him today.

"Yes." He says and pulls back fully. "I have to go." I nod and send him on his way to his next class as I sit back down and grin like an idiot.

I just wrote a 2000 word part and am a little worried with how I'm spending my time...
<3