Quietly Noticed || Lams

Let's be sad together

Hamilton|First Person

I'm awake almost an hour before I can have visitors. I toss and turn a little in my bed, signing up at my plain ceiling. I debate getting up to pace or something to kill time, but don't have the energy. I slept surprisingly well considering the circumstances, though that didn't stop me from having at least on bad dream.

I try to keep my mind blank, watching the clock on the wall until eight. Twenty minutes before there's a knock on my door. I get excited for a second, thinking they've let me have visitors early, but when I tell them to come in it's only a nurse. I sit back, prepared for her to check my chart and tell me I'm ready to be released when my ride gets here.

She doesn't though, she stands at the side of my bed with an alarming sympathetic look on her face.

"Mr. Hamilton?" I nod, looking up at her nervously. A thousand possibilities run through my head. When she says it though I can't say I'm all that surprised. "You're cousin, Daniel Greene..." She trails off, looking at her shoes. She's probably new. She looks as nervous as I feel. "Mr. Greene, uh, he committed suicide last night."

My face scrunches a little and I look at my lap, willing myself not to react in front of her. I suck in a silent breath and pinch my nails into my palms. My father, my mother...and now, Daniel. What did I expect?

"Mr. Hamilton?" Her voice sounds cloudy and far away. "Are you alright?" I nod minutely. "You're friends are in the waiting room. Should I send them in early." I nod again, not moving to look at her. Shoes tap on the linoleum and the door shuts quietly and I'm alone for a moment.

I blink rapidly, barely stopping myself from crying. I shouldn't be crying. I can't cry.

A tear rolls down my cheek.

I can't cry. I'm not crying.

I wipe my face on the sheets and breathe slowly. There's another knock at the door. I jump.

"Come in." I say, a little hoarse. The door opens and Lafayette appears with a stupidly big balloon that floats above his head. His face is worried as he rushes to my bedside, setting the weight for the balloon on the ground so he can lean over to take me in.

"Alex. Mon ami..."

"I'm fine." I say, unconvincingly. Hercules comes up behind him.

"Calm down, Laf. I told you he'd be ok." He chuckles and rolls his eyes. I force a smile onto my face as he nudges Lafayette out of the way and sits on the edge of my bed. "How's the shoulder?"

"Uh, a little sore. I'll manage though." I swallow my sadness. I can call my aunt later when I'm alone and feel bad then. "Where's John?" I see Lafayette roll his eyes and Hercules smacks his arm lightly.

"He's on his way."

"I don't know why you're still putting up with that asshole." Lafayette rolls his eyes again.

"Give him a break, he just dislocated his shoulder." Lafayette gives him a look, but shuts his mouth nonetheless. I can't say I'm not grateful. I'm having a hard enough time holding it together without his comments about who I decide to date. I still haven't heard John's whole story, but I'm having a hard time not missing him right now.

Hercules' phone chimes in his pocket. "John's in the waiting room. I'll go get him." I nod. He starts to walk out, but pauses by Lafayette. "Behave yourself." He warns, then turns down the hall.

Lafayette sighs and drops himself in the chair in the corner of my room. "So you're really back with John?"

"I love him." I say simply.

He hums. "I can accept that. So long as you're happy, I'll put up with your bullshit." I smile a little, forgetting my troubles in the presence of my friend.

"Thanks, Laf."

A couple minutes later John is walking in with Hercules on his heels. I look up at him, hit with another sudden wave of sadness. He knew Daniel too. He deserves to know. I have to tell him.

He seems to sense my inner conflict and walks over to take my hand, not bothering to say anything. He gives me a look and I just shake my head. Not here. Not with them.

"Hey, could you guys get some coffee from the lobby?" He turns to look at the other two men. Hercules seems to get the message and nods, dragging Lafayette with him out into the hall, shutting the door behind him.

"Thank you." I say quietly. I move over in my tiny bed and pull him to sit beside me. He runs his fingers through my hair.

"What's up?"

I try to sigh, but it turns into a gasp and my eyes are filling with tears again. They drop down my cheeks and I turn to hide my face in John's chest quickly, wrapping my arms around him.

"I'm sorry." I mutter as I choke out a pathetic sob.

"Don't be sorry," he coos. He rubs his hands up and down my back, setting his chin on my head. "What's wrong?"

I try to calm myself down a little, pulling back from John. I still stare at his chest rather than his face. "Daniel is dead."

I watch his face crumple from the corner of my eye. He pulls in a shuddering breath. I lean back into him, letting him bury his face in my hair now as he cries silently. His shoulders shake, and I know I should be crying again too. I'm to drained of emotion to cry at this point though.

I let him lean on me for a while, feeling like I have purpose for once. I'm the strong one for now, and when Hercules peeks his head into the room I tell him not now. He nods and waits in the hall until John has pulled himself together.

Then, we all four sit together and pretend we're all fine and dandy until they say I can go. John gives me a pair of jeans I left at his place and one of his hoodies to wear and walks me out to his car.

Three more parts after this.
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