Learning To Love - Ruby Rose -

**part five**

A/N: listen to the song linked above while reading. That's what I listened to while I wrote this and I feel like it reflects the chapter a lot and when it stops make sure to reply it. I'll let you actually read now, bye.

"Alison McDonald, where the hell have you been!" My mother started yelling at me as soon as I closed the front door behind me. I didn't think of her like a mother, despite the fact that I portray her as one in front of my friends. She would never my mum, even though she gave birth to me and raised me I will only ever classify her as me legal guardian.

"I was only at my friend's house, Juliana." I assured her.

"I don't care who's house you were at, you should have been home at eleven o'clock last night like I told you." She said trying (and failing) to stay calm. "You belong under my roof."

"Yeah, well what if I don't want to, huh? What if I would rather be anywhere else in the world than under your goddamn roof? What if I would rather have anything other than your shit that you call food to eat?" I saw Juliana start to tear up but I felt no sympathy. I've fallen for her crap too many times and I won't this time.

"First of all, young lady, you need to watch your language. And second, I am your mother treat me like it, show me some fucking respect!" She said it like she actually cared for my ass, when in reality she was only covering her own. Ever since my dad passed away she lost all interest in me, she was only still my legal guardian because she couldn't be arsed to go through all the paperwork to get me sent to a care home. She even threatened several times to send me to a mental hospital as if I was the one that was fucked in the brain.

"No, Juliana Margaret McDonald, you may have the same name as me but you will never be my mother!" I said to her and I ran up to my room but I knew I wasn't going to stay there for long.

When I got to my room I swiftly locked the door and ran to my window. I opened it up and started my descent down the wall. As I climbed down I could feel my hands slowly numbing and I was literally chilling to the bone but it didn't affect me.

I eventually reached the what would be soft grass had my mother not neglected the garden like she had me. I started running. I didn't know how long I was running for, it could have been minutes or it could have been hours but I was so fucked from the cold I honestly couldn't tell.

It was midwinter and Christmas was nearing but unlike all the other kids, I was dreading it more than anything else. It meat that I had to be left alone with my 'mum' for a month and I was undoubtedly not getting any presents.

I kept running until my legs couldn't take me any further. All of my limbs had gone numb and they felt like jelly. My heart was pounding, struggling to get blood and oxygen to my fingers and toes. My breath was heavy trying to compensate for my hearts current disadvantage.

I had come to a lake surrounded by trees on all sides. The trees were covered in frost and the lake – which a trolley seemed to have found rather homely – was partially frozen over.

I wasn't thinking straight, my brain felt like an ice lolly which had turned to mush and my limbs could barely carry my body anymore. I kept walking though. Towards the lake. Not unlike the trolley, the cold, dark water looked incredibly comforting and welcoming to me. So, I continued walking. My legs were screaming out to me telling me to stop and lay down.

So that's exactly what I did.

I was already knee deep.

I couldn't feel my limbs anymore, it was like they weren't even part of my body.

My blue fingers were trailing along the surface of the water.

I lowered myself further.

I was numb already so the cold only nipped.

I kept lowering myself.

Black spots were crowding my vision.

I audibly asked them to go away but they wouldn't, the pesky beasts.

It was calm when I blacked out. I was happy for that scenery to be the last thing I saw when I died.

But it wasn't.

Ooft, that cliff hanger though. This got insanely deep. Sorry.

~le author